We're Still Standing...Book 5

Am I A Good Father?

*Warning, chapter contains thoughts and actions of suicide, read at your own risk.*

Julian POV

Can I just end it all now? Being confined to this damn chair is suffocating and a burden to everyone around me. I can't go on living like this. I already told my friend, Jacob that if I ever succumbed to the depression and I should end my life, he's the one I trust most with my kids.

They'd all be better without me, not concerned about taking care of me. I want my independent back. I'm not happy in this body, if I could just end it and God grants me a new body, one that isn't broken, I would be happier and not have to see the pity on people's faces or have others be burdened by the fact they have to help me do things. No matter what anyone says, that's what I feel in my heart and soul. I rather suffer alone than be with someone and become their burden. 

As I look out and see all the people walking and carrying on with life, I missed that I wanted that. God robbed me of my happiness and I'll do what it takes to gain my happiness myself. 

"Daddy, when are your friends coming, I like them." I smiled at my baby boy almost making me regret my decision to end my life but I'm not happy in this body, I rather have had my legs amputated than confined to a chair and never walk again. 

"They'll be here later baby boy. I have my appointment in an hour and they'll come for dinner." I smiled and ruffled his hair. 

"So I get to see Daisy?" He said blushing. The little guy just loves Daisy. She's a natural with kids and animals. I called her a nature warrior. 

"Yes, little buddy you get to see Daisy." I laughed and went to my room to get ready for my appointment. Something about Kaiden really fascinated me. Whatever he's been doing has been working and it gives me hope again that I'll be able to walk again and be independent. 

Soon after Daisy got here and talked to her for at least half an hour and gave her a list of things to do it was time for me to go. 

"Mr. Lancaster, good to see you again." Kaiden said as we got to the bed. God, he's so hot… but so are Zander and Zeke. Is it even possible to love more than one person at once? 

"You too doc." I sat on the bed and yawned falling asleep. 

After what seemed like forever I yawned, stretching, and looked at Kaiden as he smiled. 

"Hey doc, I know this is against policy or whatever but, would you like to join my son and I for dinner?" I saw his eyes go black before changing back. That was weird. 

"Um, sure… I'll have to find a babysitter for my son though." 

"My son could use a friend so he can join too." I hated that I was making all these friends and my baby boy only has Daisy. 

"I, uh, I'll think about it." He looked kind of scared but I left it alone. 

"I assume you know my number and address?" I giggled trying to lighten the mood.

"That was almost funny." He smirked trying to hide his smile. 

"I'll get you one day." I teased and left him with his jaw dropped. 

As I made my way home I was feeling even more depressed. It was eating me alive and I've made my decision to end it all. I'll call Jacob just before so he can get the kids and call 911. 

After making dinner for the O'Brians and Kaiden I get what I need for tonight and lock my door so Matty can't get to it.

"Daddy look at what Daisy did!!!" I looked at my son smiling and his face is painted to look like a wolf. It's one of his favorite animals besides dogs and birds.