Carpe Diem ▸ Dead Poets Society ✓

twenty five

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"All my life Thy light shall surely follow me And in God's house forevermore My dwelling place shall be Amen." They boys sung out as the school called an all school service to honor Neil. I didn't sing along, if I said anything I would break down again. Mr Nolan waves his hand and we all take a seat. I'm sitting next to Knox.

"The death of Neil Perry is a tragedy. He was a fine student. One of Welton's best. And he will be missed. We've contacted each of your parents to explain the situation. Naturally, they're all quite concerned. At the request of Neil's family, I intend to conduct a thorough inquiry into this matter. Your complete cooperation is expected."

I glanced over at Knox and he did the same to me. This wasn't gonna be easy, now they're putting blame on the school.

As we dismissed, the boys headed up to meet, they wanted me to come but I didn't feel up for it. I headed to my room.

I opened the door and shut it behind me. I stared outside the window as I leaned against the door. Tears started to form in my eyes. I've never felt this sort of pain before. I brought my hands up to my mouth and covered it as I cried louder and louder. My first love was gone, and I could never see or talk or feel his touch again. It broke my heart.

As time passed my tears dried and I stared across the dark room. The only light, coming in from the window. I felt as if I couldn't cry anymore. I stood up and walked over to the bed, seeing a small pile of papers folded up.

I sit on the bed, grabbing the one on top. I open it up to see the first line, Veronica. I continued reading.

Veronica. She is so perfect. I plan on one day giving these to her, maybe we'll be married or just friends. I just know I want her in my life forever. I guess the idea of marriage is a little crazy. But then again So is life. Today we read our poems and after she read hers, I realized it was about me. It sent chills down my spine. I have so much love for her, as a friend, best friend, family, and possible a girlfriend. I know I'm in love with her. I get butterflies every time I look at her. The way her hair falls perfectly, the way her eyebrows scrunch when she's thinking. The way she sometimes grabs onto me, even if she's not actually scared. I know deep down it's an excuse to be close, which I do not mind. I love how she doesn't rush things and she always says it's going to be okay. Because in my world, I need that. I need her. She's so special to me. I'm in love with Veronica Overstreet. She's my first love.

I covered my mouth in awe. Todd was right, he did write things about me. He must have put them on the bed, before his family could come grab his things, because I wouldn't have ever got them otherwise. Tears fell from my eyes as I folded it back up and grabbed another one.

She's so beautiful. Inside and out. Our connection is real and truthful. It's not rushed and fits us well. Ever since the first day I met her, when I introduced myself I was sure there was something. She radiates good energy and love in everything she does. We studied tonight and almost kissed. It made me realize that I do want her and it's not just a silly little crush. She's like my way out, from all the bad things. When I'm with her, I feel like time doesn't exist. I can't stop thinking about wanting to kiss her. I know it'll happen but I really did want it to happen so bad. I respect her and I love how honest we are. It's like a dream when I'm with her. I love it. And I'm falling for her.

I sat the letter down and covered my face, crying. I didn't even know I still had more tears left. I felt as if I was with Neil again. Neil was not only beautiful in my eyes but I was in his. And that is special to me. Neil will always hold a place in my heart. He was my first love and I can't thank him enough. I wish we had more time together. I know he wouldn't want us all moping around and to live our lives. Seize the day. Carpe Diem. I grabbed the letters and sat them on my desk. I went to the bathroom and wiped my face. I pulled myself together and needed to do something.

I whispered to myself, "thank you Neil."

With that, I walked out the door.

+

I came upon the door that the boys said we were meeting at. I could hear faint arguing as I opened the door.

Cameron must have just walked in. The boys were holding Charlie back. They all stopped and looked at me.

Charlie's face lightened up, "Veronica,"

Cameron sent me a smile as I walked over towards the boys who were all facing him.

"What's going on,"

"Cameron! He's a rat! He's in it up to his eyes, so he rattled to save himself."

I was shocked at his words and looked between the guys. The continued to argue.

Knox got back up, as we could tell Charlie was on edge, "Don't touch him, Charlie. You do and you're out."

"I'm out anyway!"

"You don't know that, not yet."

The boys' words had me worried. What was the school even doing.

"He's right there, Charlie. And if you guys are smart, you will do exactly what I did and cooperate. They're not after us. We're the victims. Us and Neil."

I wanted to jump forward and punch him in the face bringing up Neil like that. "What's that mean? Who are they after?"

"Why, Mr. Keating, of course. The "Captain" himself. I mean, you guys didn't really think he could avoid responsibility, did you?"

"Mr. Keating responsible for Neil? Is that what they're saying?"

"Well, who else do you think, dumb ass? The administration? Mr. Perry? Mr. Keating put us up to all this crap, didn't he? If he wasn't for Mr. Keating, Neil would be cozied up in his room right now, studying his chemistry and dreaming of being called doctor."

I snapped, "shut up Cameron. You're making things worse!" I lunged forward and Knox grabbed my arm.

Todd sat up, "That is not true, Cameron. You know that. He didn't put us to anything. Neil loved acting."

"Believe what you want, but I say let Keating fry. I mean, why ruin our lives?"

I was shocked at his words. Charlie turned and lunged forward, punching Cameron straight in the face.

I grabbed Charlie's shirt and pulled him back.

Cameron stood up, holding his bloody nose, "You just signed your expulsion papers, Nuwanda."

He goes to walk out the door, but turns around one last time, "And if the rest of you are smart, you'll do exactly what I did. They know everything anyway. You can't save Keating, but you can save yourselves."

I was still in shock with everything. Everything was happening so quickly, "now we're losing Keating?"

Charlie wrapped his arm around my shoulder, trying to comfort me.

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