Convergent; After Allegiant

Chapter Tris

It's about midnight when I get up to leave. Tobias stands with me. We just had a long conversation about how we met. Though I didn't bring up our relationship. I want him to remember that, I don't want him to feel obligated to be with me. I start walking down the hallway towards the apartment that I was assigned. I realize that Tobias is still following me. Stopping, I turn to him and smirk.

"You don't know where your apartment is, do you?" I ask as he shakes his head. I roll my eyes and lead him there. Once we reach the door I open it with the key that I knew was above the door frame and he walks inside.

As he closes the door I yearn to kiss him, to hug him. But I can't, he doesn't remember me, I'd only succeeded in driving him away.

Sighing, I walk back to my apartment, feet pounding and echoing on the rock walls. My hand rests on the knob as I look up slowly, confirming what I saw out of the corner of my eye. Sure enough, apartment number sixty-four. I clamp my hand over my mouth to stifle a sob as I rush inside.

The appartment is smaller than Tobias's, though its still a good size. A small kitchen hides in a corner, cradeling a stove and a fridge. The blankets on the bed are a dark purple and smooth. A black couch rests infront of a small TV in the main room. The bathroom has a large shower, a toilet, and a sink.

The soft blankets envelop my body as I crash onto the bed, thoughts swirling in my head.
'I have a theory that Selflessnes and Braverey arnt all that different' His voice echos in my head. In doing what he did he betrayed both those qualitys. He selfishly took away the possibility of being with me, he was a coward. A voice in my head tells me that im wrong, that he was greif sticken and alone and scared. That voice is right, but would I have done the same thing? No, I wouldnt have. I would have thought about Caleb, about my friends. My anger is overpowred by my rationality, sending me closer to tears. I was always more selfless than Tobias, though that wasnt a big deal. I was raised in a typical household, with typical parents. He was haunted by his heritage wherever he went. Some depressed part of me thinks about somthing else he told me.

' I dont want to be just one thing, I cant be. I want to be brave, and selfless, and smart and honest and kind'

The Erudite part of me deconstucts the phrase, looking for rationality. Maybe he struggled with kindness because no one had ever shown him any. It is times like this when I see all of my aptitudes shine through, my Erudite looking for a reason, my Abnegation looking for a way to help.

No matter how angry I am at him for doing what he did, its not entierly his fualt.Its partly mine, for leaving him, for not fully weighing the consequences. It is partly Marcus's, for making him beleive that he had no one left. It is partly Evelyn's, for holding him to unreasonable standards. Come to think of it, its Tobias's fualt the least. He lost me, who he beleived was the only one left because Marcus caused him to beleive that he couldnt have anyone, Evelyn drove him away with her unrealistic exspectaions. Tobias isnt the one to blame here.