espionage [h.s.]

FORTY NINE

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ROCHELLE

I didn't get much sleep last night, on account of the whole Laz showing up at the institute thing. The idea of him being only a few floors down from me as I lay in Harry's bed had me feeling uneasy, even though I knew there was no way he could get to me. Deep down, I also knew that my anxiety wasn't due to the risk of Laz coming to attack me or anything, it was more related to the fact that he's here, in the institute, practically a ticking time bomb with the potential to blow everything to pieces.

Another thing I know is that my anxiety over his presence is misdirected, because if this was any other mission, my main issue would be that him being here could risk its completion, and therefore risk my payment, which really used to be the only thing I cared about. But I know those aren't my priorities now, because as soon as I walked into that room and saw Laz there, my first thought, that I tried to ignore, was: He's going to ruin it. He's going to ruin the life I've built for myself here.

Needless to say, that should definitely not be at the top of my list of concerns. In fact, it shouldn't be anywhere on that list at all. I was supposed to be objective and detached from my job here. I was supposed to physically immerse myself, but not mentally, and especially not emotionally. I was supposed to form a fake relationship with Harry in order to get him to open up to me so I could steal his secrets for my boss, but we were never supposed to get as close as we are now. I wasn't supposed to end up spending most nights sleeping in his bed wrapped in his arms. I wasn't supposed to smile whenever I see him walk into a room. I wasn't supposed to crave his touch, his laughter, his kisses. I wasn't supposed to have the kind of feelings for him that I can feel growing stronger everyday.

Most importantly, I wasn't supposed to fear losing him more than I fear what will happen to me if I disobey Milos. But I do, and Laz is one of the biggest threats to me losing Harry. So, I'm going to find out why the fuck he's here, and what the fuck Milos has planned next.

That's why, along with my inborn curiosity, I'm now tiptoeing down the dark corridor of floor zero, flinching at every creak from the old pipes snaking across the ceiling and shivering with the cold. Fear has always been a rare emotion of mine, but there's just something about this floor that I've always found strangely sinister. In order to sneak down here, I told Harry that I was spending the night with Connie in the rec room, and I told Connie that I was going to bed early, to which she replied by winking at me because she assumed that meant going to bed with Harry. It's getting hard for even me to keep up with all these lies. Karma has definitely got its kiss for me a little further down the road.

Pushing this thought out of my mind for now, I halt my movements as I finally arrive outside the room that I followed Harry into only a few hours ago. A pang of guilt vibrates through my chest as I think of Harry now, probably laid across the couch in his warm apartment watching some funny TV show, completely unaware of what I'm currently doing a few floors beneath him. I know I should be used to lying to him because I've been doing it for so many months now, but each lie I tell him just seems to hurt more than the last.