things i'll never say out loud

more than three little words

i love you.
three words we don't really say out loud
usually covered in our screams and shouts.

i love you.
three words full of awkwardness
but i know you still love me despite me being a mess

mother.
a word, six letters
one of the many words that you are
can be a blessing or a curse.

i love you.
my timeline is filled with i love you's
making me shift in my seat
as i see everyone post about their mothers
realizing we don't really roll that way
in fact you hate the camera anyway.

i love you.
you'll never hear me say when I'm occupied
in despising you
maybe because you scream words that should have been held in instead
or when you're in my way disciplining my stubborn head.

i love you.
as i grew up, as open that we can be
i realized that loving you meant understanding
letting you vent and trying to understand your pain
Understanding your past and how it made you be this way.

i love you.
i realized that loving you and you loving me
will always be more than three little words
it is when our jokes and laughter fill the room
it is when you give me the last bit of your food because i like it more than mine.

it is you waking up at the crack of dawn to work for our needs
it is you slowly trusting me to go out on my own
it is you giving me a comfortable life
it is your long scoldings and angry faces.

it is how you let me sleep beside you when i don't feel so good
it is when i intertwine my fingers with yours when we are out and about
it is when you cook my favorite meals and buying my medicines.

it is the moments we spend together when we walk alone when we are in a different country
it is when I accompany you to smoke outside
it is when we casually text "ily" to each other.

i love you.
as i grew up, i realized that our "i love you's" were always there, it was just concealed with our actions
and that's what matters right?
that our actions speaks louder than our words.

i love you.
i may not say it often but i do love you.
i am grateful for you.

my i love you is tucked in —
when i listen to your stories
it is tucked in my "trying not to show you i'm pissed off" face
it is hidden in my good grades and my medals with achievements
it is when i follow your orders.

it is when i get you a cup of cold water in a hot afternoon
it is when i try to "libre" you with my "ipon"
it is hidden in my promise to make you proud and give you the life you deserve
it is hidden in my promise to give back.

happy mother's day.
three words, a day to celebrate you
but i beg to differ
for you should not be celebrated just today, but everyday.

- g.b