things i'll never say out loud

twelve.

I refuse to remember you lifeless
A casket
A funeral home
A bunch of sadness and grief in a room
Pale, not moving, stiff
Because you are more than that.

You are more.
You are our air guitar moments, singing on top of our lungs in the living room
You are the dirty ice cream we ate outside a friend's house
You are the opm playing on the radio in our company's car

You are the pet shop dates
You are the kindness i see when you help people in need
You are the barbecues and isaw at the corner of the street
You are the bubblegum, candies, siopao after work
You are the dvd's we borrow from the store
You are our weekend dates
You are the person I always loved to see before and after pre-school

You are the art of raising our middle finger and saying "fuck you!" to people who hurt and hates us
You are hard work
You are the one who will do everything so I will get better
You are the dance in the rain

You are kindness, empathy, inspiration
You are love.

Genuine, passion fueled, true love.

You are my Mother Theresa, Gandhi, my reason for going on — moving along
My Superman, my Sirius Black, my hero, my fighter, protector, my angel.

You are so many things.
I refuse to remember you lifeless inside a casket at a funeral home
because you are more than that.

I want to remember you
Not how you left
But how you lived.

Scratch that — I don't want to remember you,
I want to celebrate you.
Not just today, but with every breath and waking morning i have.

Celebrate life how you celebrated it here.

I refuse to see you as a lifeless body laying in a casket because you are and always will be more than that.

-g.b