things i'll never say out loud

this love.

We laid under night sky. He gently placed his arm over his head, the other held my hand. He looked up to the white dots scattered on the dark canvas up above.

"what overwhelms you?' he asked. I look over to him then up to the stars, 'hmmm' I started to formulate an answer. The sudden train of thoughts made me feel queasy. "This love." I answered quietly. He looked at me quizzically. "What do you mean?"

"the love that we have overwhelms me. In a good way of course. For years, I've been giving so much of myself, so much of my love, to people who would never do the same for me, making me settle for the love that they can give. Even if its little love, god, I'll take it. Its better to have even a tiny piece than nothing, right? But this, this love that we have overwhelms me because I never thought that I can be loved this way. That finally, finally I'm receiving the same amount of love that I've been giving. Maybe more of it, even. A love that I don't have to settle for, you've given me love that gives the same amount of energy I'm giving. Most times I think I don't even deserve. But thank you, for reminding me that I do."