things i'll never say out loud

lifetime.

LIFETIME
inspired by "Lifetime" by Ben&Ben
(listen to the song first, so the piece can hurt you even more hihi and this piece is truly inspired by the plot of the song, thank you!)

I stood there, his back towards me. I can see the outline of his body and I can tell that he is smiling, i can't help but smile at the boy in front of me, god. He is a good dream.

A mere good dream. He was never mine and never will be mine but my mind was full of what ifs.

What if i was brave enough to tell him what i truly feel? What if he might feel the same way? What if all I need was to speak to him and admit that i love him more than a friend?

Maybe I would not regret this much or hurt this much. Maybe our story will end differently. Maybe if was just brave enough, I would be the girl who will make his heart beat faster, make him smile wider, the girl who makes him the happiest. The girl who he loves whole heartedly.

As I stared at him, my thoughts pulled me out of the what ifs and reminded me the reasons why I did not risked this, risked my feelings, risked us because it's better to hide this growing love I have for him than to lose the man i am helpless in love with.

I sighed. As if on cue, he turned around and motioned me to come closer, I did, he smiled and put his arms around my shoulders and I put mine around his waist, we stayed like that for a few moments. I truly treasure our times like these.

Maybe in a different lifetime, in an alternate universe, maybe we ended up together in a universe where i am brave enough or you felt the same. Maybe in an alternate universe where I was yours and you were mine.

but this is not an alternate universe, and even if I rewrite our story over and over again, this is our lifetime — our reality, that we are meant to be just friends, one fell in love with the other but never will be lovers.

- g.b