jailbirds, taejin

t h i r t e e n

kim seokjin;

the door screeched open. "kim seokjin, someone from your family is here to meet you", the warden informed. "who is it", i muttered nervously. "wait. i don't want to know. i don't want to see anyone", i say quickly. taehyung raised his eyebrows, "they are here to meet you. i think you should-". the warden cut his words, "hurry up", she grumbled. i tilt my head "i don't understand why-", i mumble. "do you want me to accompany you", taehyung asked earnestly. "no. i need you to stay here", i say sternly and head out. 

i feel the blood rush in my veins as the older boy smiles. "hello, seokjin. how are you doing today", he asked. "why are you here", i ask plainly. "to remind you why you are here". he mused. i clenched my teeth "i am not responsible for his death", i mutter. the older boy smiled sardonically, "you are. he always placed you before everyone. i warned him but he loved you so dearly. it was though you were his blood related brother not me. now he isn't here anymore. because of you", he spoke. i blink my eyes rapidly to stop the tears from rolling down.

 "i am not responsible for his death. it was an accident. i will not allow you to make me feel bad about it. you can not force me to believe that i am the reason he is not here because i am not. he was my brother too just as much as he was yours if not more. love isn't blood bound. only if you loved him like your little brother he would love you. he was just a pawn in the magnificent game of chess you and eomma played. you never saw him like a little brother", i spat looking away. "you delusional piece of-", he screeches. "i am happy he isn't here to see the your deeds. it is a pity you were once his role model" the older boy was dumbfounded. i stood up and leave. i was amazed by my own words. i was more brave than i realized.

i rush back to the room burying my face in the plain white pillow. i am thankful taehyung was asleep. i wouldn't be able to answer his questions.  i allow the tears to fall, soaking the pillow. i am not responsible for his death. i am not responsible for that stupid bank robbery. i am not responsible for fathers disappearance. it is not my fault. i don't deserve this. i deserve more. i deserve nice. i deserve love. i close my eyes letting darkness take over me. 

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author;

edited, we have finally made some progress. i am really trying to balance their relationship and the story. i think i am satisfied now. i have let out enough information about seokjin.

notice how taehyung blames himself for jungkook's death but seokjin doesn't blame himself for his younger brother's death. again although both the boys are seventeen, seokjin is mature due to many reason which will be explored soon. 

love you all-

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