jailbirds, taejin

t h i r t y - f i v e

kim taehyung;

as soon as the warden locks the door, i begin to settle my belongings neatly. since i don't have anyone to share the room with, i set my alarm clock and place it out of my reach. you will only need to wake up if you sleep taehyung, i mock myself. i look outside the small window my nose pressing against the cold glass window. i recall the day i met seokjin. my nose was pressed against the window as i stared outside, unable to sleep, when i heard the faint voices. i chuckle. i wipe my finger against the dirty window making a blank mark against it. with a small nod i reach out for my diary. one last page. i had saved that one page in hope for a happy ending. i realized not every ending has to be happy. i flip through the pages unexpectedly stopping at a blank page. i turn to the first page. i had picked up seokjin's diary by mistake.

this diary belongs to kim seokjin. if you are not kim seokjin, please do not read further especially if you are my annoying room mate. 

i chuckled. perfect. i am neither annoying nor your room mate anymore- i flip the page and begin reading. one page and the next and then one more. i keep reading the emotions that were etched into the page in seokjin's handwriting. the words reflected love, confusion, anxiety, sorrow, happiness, care, anger, guilt and disappointment. taehyung was surprised. taehyung was an open book. he had poured out all his heart to seokjin but there was so much that seokjin never told him. i wipe my wet cheeks as i stare at the wall. my vision is foggy due to the clouding of my tears. i grab a tissue and sniffle into it before i continue to read. 

stupid seokjinnie. stupid. stupid. stupid stupid. you shouldn't have kissed him. you are so stupid. you are so confused. you don't even understand if you are guilty or too scared to fall in love with taehyung. those soft rosy lips. that sweet heavenly touch. you didn't feel the same with kookie. you didn't. you shouldn't feel guilty or confused. you like him. no, you love him. he isn't kookie. why are you so scared. this is your life not a movie. it is that simple. i know, nothing was simple in you life seokjinnie, but this one thing is, don't complicate it for yourself. you love him. 

taetae- i think i am in love with you. the constant pull and push. the laughs and the tears. the starry eyes and the angry glares. the pain and the happiness. the unintentional intentional cuddles when you end up in my bed and the awful blaring of the alarms. all of this made me realize i am in love with you. not because i see kookie in you. not because i pity you. not because i pity myself. loving you was never a compromise and never will be. love is not compromise. i must have been an idiot to not realize this sooner- i am an idiot.  i wish i could turn the clock so i could tell it to you earlier. i should have. now you are gone. gone because i was too confused. gone because i was too scared to speak out aloud. scared to tell you to stay. i can't keep my mouth shut  when i want to mock someone but when it is about you, words don't some out. now you are gone because stupid seokjinnie didn't speak.

uggh- i can't take this anymore. i should just stop thinking about it.  i still have time. perhaps i can convince you after dinner. yes i will. you deserve to know what is in my heart.  i just really hope i don't chicken out. but how am i going to say- ughh i can't think about it anymore. i need rest. i hope the next time i pick my diary up, i would have let me feelings out.

i look at the words in awe. i can feel his pain and dilemma. admiration. the feeling of admiration blooms in my heart. i don't think i would be able to sort my thoughts as skillfully as seokjin did. i am so glad that he realized his truly feelings. a little disappointed that he did chicken out. if i hadn't grabbed his diary i would never know. i am glad i did grab his diary instead of my own. perhaps the universe conspired to bring us together. if i wasn't locked up in this room i would run to him and smother him with kisses but that would have to wait for a few more hours. i stare outside the window, unable to fall asleep, because the reality is finally better than my dreams. 

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hey beautiful people. i am literally writing this update minutes before the dynamite teaser is up. hehe, don't worry. have a good look at the teaser and enjoy it. you can come back to the story late.  just a quick note. the italicized paragraph is seokjin's diary entry from chapter thirty one  which wasn't revealed.

this is the end of part two. part three will be coming up soon.

and yes part three is rainbows and sunshine and perhaps even a prison break out. jk- 
i need to stop now because i am too excited for the teaser. so bye bye you people. and i love you all. :)