jailbirds, taejin

t w e n t y - s e v e n

kim seokjin;

i sit beside taehyung slowly caressing his cheeks. his skin was really warm.  i move my hand to his forehead. hot. i grab a clean towel and quickly soak it in cold water slowly placing it on his forehead. taehyung did not move. his eyes closed, face calm and cheeks red. i let the towel rest on his forehead for a few minutes before i dip it in cold water once again and repeat the thr procedure. in about forty five minutes taehyung's temperature dropped a little. "just stay here with me", his limp moved in his sleep as he grabbed hold of my hands. i breathe out placing the towl away carefully without moving my hand out of taehyung's grip. i stretch to switch the lap and lie down beside him. the bed was narrow but the space between taehyung and i was enough to allow us to breathe comfortably. i closed my eyes, hoping i would be able to fall asleep. but i couldn't. i haven't been able to since the past five days. i haven't since i met taehyung, maybe. but i like being awake. i like thinking about taehyung. i like being able to see sweet dreams without sleeping. but now everything is like a night mare. because of me.

i should be satisfied with the decision i made, right. it was the right one. then why do i feel so lost. it was a harsh decision. yes. but it is the one that would put my mind at ease right. then why is it that i feel so scattered. i inhale as i feel taehyung's hot breath against my neck. i concentrate on hands, attempting to ignore taehyung's hands over my waist and the tightness in my pants. i try to distract myself by recalling my happy memories. the first time i met jungkook, when i was five. i recall sharing my food with him. i recall play fighting with him, stealing his clothes and playing games together at twelve in the night. i recalled my fourteenth birthday. wheni snuck out of my own birthday part to the terrace. where i kissed his my brother. 

my first kiss was jungkook. we never talked about that night. but that moment under the stars was our epiphany. it was the moment we both realized that we are attracted to our own gender, perhaps even each other. but jungkook never talked about that night and i just let it slide away. perhaps, the reason why i am immensely attracted to taehyung is because he is just like jungkook except that he reciprocates the feeling. 

taehyung's involvement with my brother's death is just an excuse. i am afraid that i may hurt taehyung. i really do not want to love him because he reminds me of jungkook. i do not want to use him to get over my brother's death. i want to love him because he is taehyung. but i am afraid i will be unable to. "seokjinnie, you smell so sweet and your hands are so warm", taehyung mumbled in my ears. i smile. i didn't realize i would find taehyung much more cuter in his sleep.

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author;

hello everyone, another chapter. i kept my promise. i hope it was fun to read. i am not sure if i messed up the story line by the kookjin moment. i had this in my mind for quite some time but i was debating over it for long. i wasn't sure if it was a good idea but well, we'll see how it works.

thank you for reading!!

stay healthy and hydrated!!