jailbirds, taejin

t h i r t y - o n e

kim seokjin;

taehyung grabbed my book and placed it away. his dreamy brown eyes settled on my cherry red lips. before i could consider the proximity of our bodies, his soft rosy lips pressed against mine. all thoughts racing through my head halted.my veins throb and my heart explodes. i have never felt like this before. ever.  i close my eyes and allow my lips to move against his, eager to taste him. honey. they taste sweet, like honey. his long slender fingers wrapped around my neck, supporting my head as our lips crashed, send jolts of current across my body . my hands automatically move to his back moving up and down till they settle on his waist pulling him closer so that he was now on my lap. his soft cinnamon scent that was covering his body due to the excessive amount of soap he uses drowned my senses making my lips sloppy against his. as our lips part i open my eyes, breathing heavily. taehyung's gaze was averted. although there were a million words we wanted to exchange the only sound i could hear was our breathing synchronized to match each others. 

"taehyung-ah. th-this-", i struggle to express myself with appropriate words. "shouldn't have happened. i know. i am sorry", he said jumping away not meeting my gaze even once. i keep my eyes fixated on him, no- that is not what i wanted to say. "i am sorry, taehyung. i don't think we should stay in the same room anymore. i should probably talk to the warden about this", i say instead. no- i wouldn't be able to take that. just deny it taehyung, please. "you are right. this shouldn't have happened. it isn't fair. i'll talk to the warden myself", he spoke. i close my eyes, silently cursing myself. 

i grab the notebook that taehyung earlier placed on the table and scribble furiously. "stupid seokjinie". i repeat the phrase again and over again. i pushed taehyung away so that i could resolve the conflict between my  thoughts and emotions but why does it make me more conflicted. if this is indeed the right thing, why does it hurt so much. i look at the diary entries that i had made. i read the entries i made before i confirmed that taehyung was involved in the accident that killed my brother. although i suspected him, i was certainly attracted to him and his antics. i enjoyed his presence. but as soon as my suspicions were confirmed, i pushed him away. were my actions heavily swayed by guilt or by fear. fear of loosing taehyung the same was as i lost jungkook. fear is irrational guilt isn't. if i was afraid why did only act on the fear after my suspicions were confirmed right. if it is the guilt then why is it so irrational. i grunt as i began writing in the diary and words flow out of my heart. i write for some while and then  i close the book and toss it away, wrapping my head in my pillow, i wait for my thoughts to fade away.

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author;

the much awaited scene is here. i honestly dread writing intimate scenes because i don't know how to not write cliche. so i don't really have a practice but i tried, hehe.

all of you stay happy and healthy!!