THE MAN IN THE HANGING TREE | Gale Hawthorne

NINTEEN - Complicated Feelings

YOUR POINT OF VIEW

It has been a week since the incident happened with Gale, and it still hurts every time I think about it.

My parents got home from their meeting, wondering why I wasn't with Gale. I burst into tears instantly, my mom knew right away and didn't ask any more questions.

I spent most of my time with Delly the rest of the week, she assured me everyday that Gale would forgive me if I just admitted the truth. But I still couldn't form the words, besides, I don't think Gale would even want to talk to me.

I see him often throughout town, most of the time he's covered in coal dust, filthy, just back from the mines. We make eye contact, my eyes prick with tears, but he shakes his head as if telling me 'don't cry, you aren't the one who should be crying.'

He's right, I shouldn't be. I was the one who broke his heart, if anyone should be crying in pain it should be Gale.

Even if I tell him I love him now, I don't think it would heal his aching heart. It may come off as pity more then anything.

We still help the Everdeens together, while Katniss is gone on her victory tour for the week.

They live in their own fancy victor's house down in Victors' Village, but we still help them out with cooking, and I play with Prim on occasion.

We don't talk to each other while there though, unless absolutely required, and we absolutely do not make eye contact in such close quarters.

Mrs. Everdeen has noticed, I even think little Prim has, though now she's not so little.

I see Hazelle every so often too, usually when I'm walking home from school or going to the Everdeens.

She asks me how I'm doing, as if I haven't broken her son's heart. She hugs me, asks me to say hello to my mother for her, then continues on with her day, a smile gracing her face the entire time. The way she does it, she must be a very good actress or actually serious in not wishing me any ill will.

Besides from Delly, I don't have many other friends now that both Peeta and Katniss are gone for the week. Well I have Delly and Noah, who I have been spending an increasing amount of time with since the incident with Gale.

I know, why in the world would I hang out with my ex!? But Noah and I never parted on bad terms, that I know of, and we were friends long before we dated. We are just getting to know each other again, confiding in each other now that we no longer have our support people to rely on.

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I'm at the bakery with Noah, today is the day Katniss and Peeta come back from their victory tour, and Noah thought it'd be nice to make them welcome home cookies. I'm not much of a baker, but I help him put the icing on them.

Tensions are rising in Panem, riots have broken out in quite a few districts, all from rebel causes fighting for a better future, the resistance from months ago finally lashing out again. The Capitol is able subdue them each time though, unfortunately they are stronger and have access to better weapons.

A lot of lives were lost to Capitol guns, and I can't help wondering if I am really the reason behind this. If I'm the one who struck the spark, the spark that is Katniss, the spark that has now started a fire across all of Panem. I am the mother of this simmering rebellion, just waiting to explode. I became the mother to it the moment I placed those three fingers on my lips at the reaping and held them high in the air, the moment I gave Katniss my aunt's mockingjay pin, the moment I told her to fight for what's right.

And quite frankly, I'm glad I did. It's about time we start fighting for what's right.

But I still can't get over the noise of the bullets ripping through the people of district eight last night, I saw it in a video in my father's office, a live streamed video he had no idea I watched.

The Capitol is keeping it totally under wraps, I know they are scared of more people following suit, and that's exactly what we need to succeed. More people.

More rebels.

"You look deep in thought, what's on your mind (n/n)?" Noah asks, taking another tray out of the oven, using a nickname I've had since childhood. 

"A lot of things." I sigh, putting the cookie I was icing down.

"Well don't worry too much." Noah wipes his hands off on a towel, then leans against the counter beside me. "Pretty boy Hawthorne will forgive you."

Pretty boy Hawthorne, I almost forgot that's what the guys used to call him. Nearly every girl at our school had a crush on Gale, even some of the guys. He's tall and handsome, with gorgeous grey eyes. He's mysterious and strong, but smart and kind. It's not hard to tell why everyone liked him.

I was so happy when we started dating, I get to call him mine now, or I was able to call him mine.

Not anymore.

"I broke his heart Noah, he's not going to just forgive me." I sigh again, his blue eyes meet mine.

"Your kind of hard not to forgive, your kind of hard to keep out of someone's life." He gives me a small smile, a lock of his blonde hair falling in front of his eyes once more.

"What do you mean?" I ask, I have no idea what Noah is talking about.

"You broke my heart, but I will always forgave you." The pained look in his eyes reminds me of the other night, it's the exact look Gale wore. 

"Noah..." My voice is barely above a whisper.

"(Y/n)..." He says, the pained smile still on his face.

I broke his heart, I had no idea I broke his heart. In my mind, we left each other on good terms, I guess that feeling wasn't mutual. And suddenley I feel terrible.

We just stare at each other, his ocean blue eyes seem to peer through my (e/c) ones, right to my soul.

"I have to go." I mutter, looking away, slightly uncomfortable of the feelings we've stirred up.

Noah nods, and without another word, I sprint out the bakery all the way to my house, leaning my head against the door after I shut it behind me.

I close my eyes, suck in a deep breath, let it out, take in another.

Those feelings I felt long ago for Noah had bubbled to the surface, just briefly, but other things bubbled up too.

I really do love Gale, and I feel truly horrible for what I did to him.

But before I can give it another thought, before I can run all the way to Gale's house, kiss him fiercely, tell him how much I really love him, my thoughts are interrupted.

"(Y/n), dear." My mother says, her voice unusually timid.

I turn to her, her blue eyes are wide with fear, she clutches her hands in front of her nervously.

"There's someone here to see you, he's waiting for you in your father's office." Her voice is barely audible.

And I know right then and there exactly who's waiting for me in that office.

"Snow." I breathe.

My mom only nods in assent. Hell must be empty because the devil is right here in my home.

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