Purple Roses

AFTER

The cold water drips off my body.

I close my eyes and try to even my breathing. This is the third time in a row I've been having these episodes in a week for the past 3 years. They are not often consecutive.

Once I've managed to even my breathing I tune everything out. Blocking all communication between me and the pack.

I try my hardest to listen to it. To try to hear just a sign of it's there.

Nothing.

I punch the wall with my fist in frustration. Why can't I hear it? Why can't I hear my own damn heartbeat? I have a heart don't I? Then why don't I hear it? Why is it not beating! Arg!

I flip the shower nob. I clutch my chest.

I can still remember her. I can still hear her laugh. I can still hear her screaming. I still feel her touch. I still see her and she's glaring at me.

Was it not enough that she stabbed me in the back that she still haunts me? I stretch my back and I can literally feel the scar running down my back.

I get out the shower and grab a towel to dry myself.

'Parker.' I hear Syris, my new Beta, call me.

'Syris.' I respond.

'I heard you again.' He says lowly.

I don't respond and walk out the bathroom dressed in my shorts and black vest.

'Parker, what's going on with you? I worry about you.' He says.

'I don't need your sympathy Syris. I'm fine okay, it's not a big deal.' I walk to the far end of my room to the balcony and look up at the night sky.

'It's not sympathy Parker, it's concern. I'm concerned for you as a friend and last a Beta.' He argues. 'This time the other members heard you too.' He adds.

I close my eyes and sigh. I stretch my back and I feel my back slowly start to warm up. I stop to avoid another episode.

'We are concerned for our Alpha.' He says.

'Damn it Syris I said I'm fine!' I snap at him, getting tired of explaining myself.

He doesn't say anything after that.

Good. I like my peace and quiet. I look up at the night sky and sigh at the full moon. It looks so beautiful shining up there on its own. I give a bitter smile. I'm stuck. I don't know how to progress and these damn episodes are kind of making it hard for me.

Why me? Why did all of this have to happen to me? I've never done anything wrong so why me, Moon goddess? Why am I at the bad end of the receiving stick?

I look down to the ground below me feeling like an idiot. Who am I even kidding? I must seem like a crazy person for thinking all this. I sigh and turn around to look at the state at which my room is in. It's a mess, just like it's owner.

I shiver as I feel my wolf becoming restless.

'I know Thorne, it's been a while.' I say to him.

'I know you want to run and be free. I'm sorry.' I apologize to him. 'I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough.'

'But I'll make it up to you' I think to myself an idea formulating in my head. I know I shouldn't be doing this; it will definitely catch up with me tomorrow but that's okay. I've survived 3 years with this defect what's another night?

I start my jog through the thick woods.

I was running barefoot in just my shorts and vest. I feel Thorne come alive. I can feel him as I start to increase my speed. I feel my scar heat up. I take a deep breath as I start to sprint through the woods at full speed. I smile as the tension in my limbs start to loosen up.

'This is for you Thorne.' I grin like an idiot.

I know how hard is was for Thorne being unable to transform into his true form. It's not like he can't, it's more like my body wouldn't handle it. It would literally tear me apart. But Thorne? He sacrificed his freedom for my life. I've never been so thankful to have such an awesome wolf.

I feel the scar on my back flare up.

Just a little bit further. Come on body. I just need to do a little jump, like the good old days.

The pain starts to get to much to bare. I feel Thorne slowly calm down. 'No Thorne, come on. I can do this. Just let me do this.' I beg him. 'Don't give up on my just yet. I'll make it I swear.' I try to convince me more than him.

I slow down as the pain starts moving from my back to my limbs.

Damn it! The pain then immobilizes me. I fall down on my knees. It felt like a thousand daggers were being dragged throughout my entire body. I lie down, my back facing the moon. I clench my teeth together to avoid screaming. My finger grip onto the ground for support.

I hear Thorne whimper inside me.

Tears involuntarily start brimming on the ends of my eyes. I've been through this, I won't dare cry like a little baby. I close my eyes and try to not think about the pain. Don't think about it.

Don't think about it.

After a while the pain starts to decrease.

I then open my eyes and look up at the round pale full moon. I take deep breathes to try and calm down my breathing.

I'm tired.