Warning this video contains mentions of suicidal thoughts and actions, depression, anxiety, abuse, rape and drug abuse. Viewer discretion advised.
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MC: How was high school like?
Sammy: Exhausting and depressing.
MC: Why is that?
Sammy: To be sincere and not beating around the bush, I came out as bisexual to my closest guy friend at the time. He started bullying me calling me the f slur and being racist as well. I was not only heart broken but disappointed because I thought he was a good person. One day though, when I was walking home something terribly bad happened.
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MC: Did Sammy ever tell you the terrible thing that happened to him?
Jonghyun: Yes.
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Jackson: In high school? Yeah... I wanted to punch the guy.
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Irene: No? In high school? Sure he was bullied but what terrible thing?
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Ju-Hyun: Yes. He told me. I was so heartbroken and angry.
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MC: You're a trainee beside Sammy at JYP correct?
Chan: Yep.
MC: Did he ever tell you the terrible thing that happened?
Chan: Yes. I've never felt so angry in my entire life.
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Sammy: I was raped... in an alleyway. For days after that I could feel his hands over me and I felt disgusted in myself and hated my body and my looks and hated everything about myself. I started calling myself the f slur and now when someone touches my arm or just taps my shoulder I flinch. I sometimes panic when someone hugs me from behind because it reminds me...
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Jimin: When Seungjae told me he started profusely crying and holding himself. He sobbed about how he hated seeing his body because it reminded him of that day. It's scarred him. It's ingrained into his memory like a tattoo and despite how long it has been he hasn't forgotten and he won't forgive.
MC: Do you know why he told you?
Jimin: We were talking about our pasts and he wanted to tell me something very secret and painful to him. I told him that I'd never tell anyone. I know Seungjae trusts me and I trust him. So he told me. I could see the anxiety in his eyes as he spoke. The way he started to panic when I went to touch his hand for comfort.
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Chan: It broke my heart when he told me. I had never seen him so vulnerable and scared. He even started to panic just thinking about it.
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MC: This might be insensitive to ask but why do you still panic over that memory?
Sammy: *looks down* As men we're told that no matter what to hide our pain and suffering and be the protector of the family. To hold ourselves high and protect our family even if we get hurt. We're not meant to be friends with girls and we can't be friends with girls. Which is stupid and I know that now but I was fifteen. I want to tell all the guys out there that it's ok to be vulnerable and helpless. Everyone feels that way. You aren't alone and if you have experienced abuse of any kind or rape please get help. Be transparent about it and tell someone close to you for help.
MC: I hate to pry on a sensitive topic but is there anything else you want to tell us?
Sammy: I found out later that he had been smoking pot and drinking. I have hated anything with smoking, drugs or drinking since then. Sure I'll drink when I want to celebrate but that's a measured amount of alcohol.
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Chan: Sammy hates to see others drink non-celebratory but won't say it. He's too kind to say it. But if they're going home he'll tell them that he'll drive them home or get them a cab so they can go home.
MC: Did he see someone or have someone go through a car crash due to a drunk driver?
Chan: From my knowledge no.
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Irene: What terrible thing happened? I'm clueless.
MC: Sammy would need to tell you it's not my place to tell.
Irene: I'm... what??
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MC: Why didn't you tell Irene?
Sammy: She'd go on a witch hunt to kill the guy. Like literally kill him. Plus then she was really young and I couldn't tell her. Even now I just... she's my sister, and while we're close we're not that close. She has a certain ideal of me while with friends they do but not to the same level. It's a different ideal.
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Sammy ends up leaving recording early to go home and rest as he wasn't feeling well. We have respected that and have ended recording today and leave this video on a last note by Sammy.
"All of my fans if you have every experienced an sort of abuse please get help. Therapy helps. It may seem as if it doesn't because "they don't understand" but it does. I've been in therapy for a very long time and while some days I don't want to talk to my therapist I trust him will anything. My therapist has been understanding and caring and while I understand not all therapists are the same, I've gotten better with dealing with anxiety and my suicidal thoughts. Maybe therapy isn't for you but please just talk to someone. Keeping your emotions bottled up will not help you. Even if it means writing it down in a journal and showing it to someone it can help. To those who need it, I love you. You are loved and validated for any emotion or experience you have gone through. You are never alone and I will always support you even if I do not know you. Do not give up on life just because of a bad experience, because you may end up curing cancer or helping that kid on the street. You are important to this life. People do care about you even if you think they don't.
- Sammy"
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I'm not great at explaining things but if you get offended by this please explain to me why and I'll see if I can change anything to make it more appropriate towards those who have experienced any abuse or rape. I do not joke about abuse or rape. It is a very serious topic that needs to talked about. There are very serious side effects (is that what it's called?) anxiety, depression, and suicide. Among many others.
Just know I love you and you are important. You are special and interesting.
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Stray Kids 9th Member ~ Shine Pt.1
FanfictionPark Samuel or Park Seungjae is the ninth member of the famous JYP male group Stray Kids. Despite many hardships he and his group were meant to shine. ~~~ Start: January 27, 2020 Finished: November 5, 2020 Achievements: 5k - July 31st, 2020 10k - No...
