Stray Kids 9th Member ~ Shine Pt.1

Docu Series S-1 EP 4/38 "Relationships"

Warning: Mentions of suicide and drug abuse.

~~~

MC: Did you have relationships in High school or even now?

Sammy: Uh... well I did have a lot of relationships... most of which were with men.

MC: Ah fancy men more than women or just men?

Sammy: Well I like everyone I think the community calls them Pansexuals. People who have romantic or sexual attraction to people of all sexual or gender identity.

MC: A more inclusive term than Bisexual.

Sammy: Yeah pretty much.

~~~

MC: What relationships did Sammy have?

Jonghyun: Well there was this one guy. Who was his last partner. He got into a car accident with a drunk driver and died. Sammy really liked him. They made long distance work.

MC: Devotion.

Jonghyun: Yeah. He went back to the US to be at his funeral. When he came back to Korea he looked more upset than when he left. He got all the letters the guy wanted to send to him but never had the courage. In one of the envelopes was an engagement ring. He wears it as a sign of the love he has for the guy.

MC: Wow. That's kinda depressing that he couldn't get married.

Jonghyun: Plus he's an idol and Korea isn't too kind to gay marriage.

MC: Unfortunately.

~~~

Irene: I saw the ring before Sammy did. I was friends with his boyfriend and he had anxiously told me that he wanted to marry Sammy. I was gonna help him catch a flight over to Korea and propose. I was soooo excited. Sammy loved him with his whole heart and when he'd send a cute photo of him Sammy would smile and then be like, "I got lucky."

MC: It's sad he couldn't get married.

Irene: Agreed.

~~~

Jonghyun: I think the first time I had seen Sammy cry his heart out was after coming back from the US. He came to me in practice and showed me the letters. During that whole experience he cried and cried and cried. Taemin and Minho were incredibly worried. I was too.

~~~

Chan: I shouldn't have been so hard on him after he came back from the US. I pushed him to train harder with all of us and focus on Stray Kids not a relationship.

MC: He was a melting pot.

Chan: Exactly and I never realized until it was too late. He was mourning and I was too selfish.

~~~

Sammy: I don't blame Chan. I really don't. It's just he meant so much to me and then I started to rely more on Jonghyun and I was a mess. I was hiding my emotions like I did in High school and faking a smile like I did. It's easy to fake a smile when you've been doing it for so long.

MC: That's scary.

Sammy: It's morbid is what it is but people can't tell. Or maybe they can I'm not entirely sure.

~~~

Jonghyun: He'd spend more time with SHINee than training with his group which worried me. Did something happen. Then he told me he got into a fight with his friend Chan. At first I was like, "Oh it can't be that bad." But it was worse than I thought. They argued about Sammy's fiancé.

MC: Oh... that must have been hard to sit through.

Jonghyun: For Sammy... definitely.

~~~

Jackson: Sammy's always worn his heart on his sleeve. It's not a bad thing but his heart has been broken multiple times.

MC: Don't you think he should wait to go into relationships?

Jackson: He does actually. I think fans just assume he goes into relationships only looking for love but... he's a stubborn Capricorn. Once he goes into a relationship mainly through friendship. If it doesn't work out then it doesn't. He'll try to fix it which is why he's been in a lot of toxic relationships. The fiancé wasn't one of the toxic relationships. It was push and pull and the two worked this out properly. Sure they fought, couples do that but they were devoted to becoming better people because of each other. It was scene clear as day. He started to get his mental heath under control and start taking better mental and physical care of himself. He said no when he needed too and took breaks when it was needed as well. Of course I saw all his hard work simply go down the drain.

MC: That must have been heartbreaking to see.

Jackson: It still is. He's a shell of this once confident guy who could properly take care of himself. He displays the persona that, "I'm totally fine and nobody needs to worry about me." But I've seen him breakdown and not care about anything. There have been multiple times I've feared that I'd loose him. As of one recently.

~~~

MC: Jackson told me that he feared he'd loose you, this being a recent event.

Sammy: Oh.. oh! That event.

MC: If you don't want to explain that's fine.

Sammy: No, no. I should. A particularly hard day. I was going to spend almost all of my day on set or at a photo shoot. The last bit of the day I was needed for an ad. So I was constantly stressed and had no healthy outlet to vent and release that. I resorted to the only outlet I knew and that was harming myself. Jackson's Spidey senses could tell that something was wrong and he came to my apartment and found me passed out in the bathtub. Luckily my cuts weren't too deep and they had already closed but I had lost a lot of blood. He took me to the hospital and he cursed JYP out.

MC: How recent may I ask?

Sammy: A week ago. I will say that was a very hard week and Jackson really helped me out this week so it hasn't been so bad. I've almost been a statistic several times actually.

~~~

Dunno how to end this on a light note but I will say that Sammy does get better as we can see in the other chapters. He's a fighter and he has amazing friends and family.