Butterfly [j.jk]

이십일

눈물

maybe it was better to not know.

like a broken record, the conversation from earlier wouldn't stop repeating in his head. and it was a broken record he couldn't fix.

he felt lost. this was a never ending maze he was running in, and whenever he tries to escape, she would be by the exit and he can no longer get out. whichever path he chose, she followed.

and nari saw the sadness in his eyes. an empty gaze that cried in despair. that's when she realized he wasn't that tough guy he presents himself to be. he was more fragile than anyone else.

he was a butterfly who had broken his wings, a sunflower who had wilted its petals, he was a star who lost its shine;

he was broken.

and seeing him as he laid on the cold floor, face swollen, broke her too. his chocolate eyes gleamed, not of joy, but of pure sadness.

"you know, i thought jangmi and i would last too." the boy finally spoke, blankly staring at the walls. "whenever i looked at her, all i could think of was how much i love her. she always had a twinkle in her eyes whenever she'd smile at me, and i remember thinking to myself that i'll never get tired loving her, i'll never let her go."

"i didn't know it was possible for a person to love that much but i did. and i loved her more than i loved myself." he spoke with a soft smile graced on his lips. it was a smile so sweet, but felt so painful. because all he can feel was pain, as he reminisced those days spent with her that he wished he could go back to, only if he could.

"why does the world hate me so much to bring so much pain in life? what did i do to deserve this big of a burden?"

"why is it when i want to heal, she comes back into my life?"

at this point, he didn't care if nari was witnessing his wretched state. he had no care in the world. there was too much anger, too much pain caged in his chest and this was his breaking point.

"my heart hurts so much nari!" he cried out. "i want to hate her but i can't! i want to stop loving her—  but i can't." those were his last words before he broke down once more. with every ounce of emotion he poured out, his tears streamed down his face. his head buried into his knees, he had never cried this much in his life.

"it must look pathetic— seeing me like this, huh?" he lets out a bitter laugh, his sorrowful gaze locks with her honey eyes. she kept silent. jeongguk was left heartbroken; shattered. but seeing him like that, broke her too. her heart cries with each tear that falls down his gleaming eyes.

"i-if you want to leave, you can. don't worry about me i'll just—"

"i won't leave." she sternly said and the boy stops. this was the first time he had seen her so serious.

"no it's fine, really, just—"

"how many times do i have to tell you, i won't leave?" she exclaims, "i'm tired of you seeing me as a stranger and think that i don't care about you! i care about you, so let me stay by your side." she spoke, her vision turns blurry. her soft-hearted personality always had poor control of her emotions and so tears welled in her eyes. gaze turning foggy.

she poured out all her frustration towards the boy whom she had considered a friend since day one. he stayed by her side when she asked him to, and this time it was her turn.

"why are you crying?" the boy asks, puzzled about the girl who was now sitting on the floor beside him, nose beet red, and honey eyes glazed in tears.

"i'm crying— 'cus you're crying." she said as she hiccups. it was a sight that tugged a tiny smile on the boy's lips. "stop crying, you look like a kid." he said, giving nari his handkerchief to wipe her silly tears with.

but to his surprise, she took the boy's hanky not to wipe her own tears, but his. the boy freezes, as she graces her hands on his tears. a soft gaze that looked at him with eyes of concern.

"stop thinking i don't care about you. stop thinking you're alone." she says, wiping the last tear off his cheeks.

"i'll stay by your side 'cus i'm your friend."