Strawberries and cigarettes

17-Taehyung

It was now the third time this night that Taehyung woke up with sweat dripping from his forehead. After staring into the darkness for a moment, he turned his head to look at his phone. Looking at the bright screen, he felt a sharp pain rushing through his skull and chest. He couldn't stand seeing his home screen of Jimin grinning at him back then when his hair had still been its natural color. Somehow, he had looked so happy and with zero worries back then even though Taehyung could still remember very well that that hadn't been the case. They used to talk about this a lot, his issues, and the struggles he had gone through in his childhood. When Jimin's parents got divorced, his world had fallen apart but Taehyung had been there to support him no questions asked. That was when they grew this close.
The blonde could feel his eyes start burning, not just because the light was too much for him and he had only gotten about two hours of sleep so far but because the memories hurt him too much. It was 3:15 am.

By now, two full days had passed since Jimin had disappeared and Taehyung felt like he couldn't get any worse. He was breaking, filled with concern and rage but at the same time having no energy left at all. He hated being like this, he hated feeling like there was nothing he could do to save his friend. Absolutely nothing. But that was the exact situation he found himself in. None of this was in his control so he had to accept his fate. And even though he tried his best not to lose hope, the room that he used to share with the pink-haired felt strange without him. It didn't feel home anymore.
In frustration, he sat up and rubbed his eyes to get rid of this stinging pain in them and to stop them from tearing up. He knew without looking at the mirror that they were swollen and red already because of all the times he'd cried in the last 48 hours. Taehyung must look like a wreck.

With heavy limbs, he got up from the bed, not turning around to look at the empty top bunk when he left for the kitchen where he poured himself a cup of coffee. If he couldn't sleep, then he didn't want to be tired either even though he had to admit that he hated the taste. It was simply too bitter for him to enjoy it and even with a lot of milk and sugar, coffee still didn't appeal to him at all. He would have just taken some soda to wake up but since he hadn't gone grocery shopping, he had literally nothing in his fridge except for their skin-care products. His stomach reminded him of the fact that it had been almost 10 hours since his last meal now and he groaned since there was no food left in his apartment. Jimin usually took care of that for him. Jimin took care of everything around here and Taehyung wasn't capable of existing without him. It didn't exactly make things better that Namjoon had forbidden him to call the police since they didn't want to get dragged into the investigation which Taehyung could understand but at the same time, this meant that there was no one, absolutely no one out there looking for the pink-haired.

There was still a blank expression on his face when he lifted his cup to his lips and took a sip from the dark, hot brew that was in it. He pressed his eyes shut when the bitter taste ran down his throat and Taehyung cringed at himself for being such a baby. It was true, he saw himself as a picky eater too but that didn't mean he enjoyed it. Wouldn't life be a lot easier if you just didn't feel disgusted by so many things?
When he realized what his mind was circling around again, the blonde had to laugh and shook his head. Of course, he wasn't really amused by this but he now had proof that he was absolutely on rock bottom. He was awake in the middle of the night, standing in the kitchen with a cup of coffee without even switching on the light and his mind was sending him weird thoughts.
Why the heck was he so alone in here?
Taehyung wasn't afraid of the dark, that was not the issue here but somehow there was a pain inside of him reminding him that he was completely on his own. He was actually lonely for the first time in his life. Before, he'd always had someone: his mother, his grandmother, his siblings, Jimin of course.

Jimin....
Where was he?
Was he even still alive?
Should Taehyung just give up and run away?
No, he would never do that. Apart from the fact that he didn't have any money to make a run for it or any idea where he would run to. Being honest with himself, he didn't necessarily want to see his family right now, he was too embarrassed by what he'd gotten into the first time they trusted him to take care of himself.
Great! Well done, Taehyung!
You've successfully proven that you're completely incapable of being independent.
He was a simp.
With a groan, he pressed his hands to his eyes and exhaled deeply until he felt like there was no air left in his lungs. Then, he lifted his chin to the ceiling and tried to figure out what to do with this night and the following day. It didn't take long for him to realize that there was nothing he felt like doing so he decided to get some fresh air.