Strawberries and cigarettes

40-Namjoon

A hollow sound~

Namjoon opened his eyes and looked around, horrified of what he'd just heard. His torso was straight within a second even though he'd been lying on the floor only a moment ago.
'Oh stupid me, it's just my heart beating", he then relieved himself in his mind and sighed, dropping his shoulder in exhaustion. He'd realized that this had happened a lot of times already: him taking his own heartbeat as a sound from the outside, and he really had to do something about that. He was really easily scared lately which was of course understandable considering the situation.
Damn it!
How could this happen?
Namjoon had fallen asleep and now he had exactly no idea about how much time had passed since he woke up in this hall for the first time which felt like a huge setback to him. He was back to square one, not knowing what time it was, where he was, or where the others were. He had no idea about anything.

But if a human mind could never really grasp its own existence, then why are they even capable of thinking? What's the point of having an intellect when all it lead to was despair and frustration? At least for Namjoon, the realization that they would never be smart enough to understand this world or even just other people who worked just the same way as they themselves, made him question his existence.
He didn't want to put it on the kidnapper – Shelsey – since, before all of this had happened, he'd already noticed these kinds of thoughts running around in his mind. Because of his mother, his father and his sister Kitty, whose real name was Lilith.
Namjoon didn't like using that name because of its negative connotation.
Lilith was the first wife of adam in mythology and considered to be the queen of hell, a child murderer, and a winged monster, ruling over all demons. How could you give a pure childlike Kitty a name this terrible? It had never fit together with the joy that he remembered in his mother's eyes the day she told him about her pregnancy.

Kitty...
Namjoon sighed thinking about what she was up to right now.
Maybe it was still in the middle of the night and she was sleeping peacefully and with an angelic and peaceful expression on her face. Maybe he was already morning and she was getting ready for class. She was the kind of person who always got up early to have time before school to do her hair and dress nicely underneath her uniform, but who knew if that would change once she got a little older and class wasn't as easy anymore. Kitty had very good grades, but not because she was a natural genius but because she studied a lot. Without many friends and no money to spend on having fun in her free time, it was the best use of her time she could find. Sometimes, Namjoon was worried she might be too introverted for her own good but she was still young and he hoped that once he finally got a job that allowed them to have a better life, she would profit from that as well and open up. But without him....

There was nobody else that would take care of her once he was gone, that was the only reason he knew that he had to get back. For her. Not for himself or his classes or even if Seokjin would be out there. He could manage his life on his own, even if he'd probably be in a slump for a few weeks but after that, he'd be alright but no matter if he was emotionally hurt by his absence, she simply couldn't make it on her own. And his mom... His mom's care for her was more of a joke really.
Namjoon groaned in frustration and then finally stood up from the cold and hard floor. He had to keep moving and so when he was about to start walking in any direction, he heard a voice calling out his name and froze.
Seokjin.
He was here.
A shiver rolled down his spine and he felt his throat closing a little when he tried to respond: there was no sound escaping his lips when he tried to respond so he coughed a couple of times.
"Namjoon? Is that you?", Seokjin's lovely voice appeared once again and after a few more seconds, Namjoon saw him walking his way from his left.
"Yes... yes it's me!", the white-haired answered when his voice returned and started running towards his boyfriend, arms opened to enclose him tightly while taking in his intoxicating scent. It's been too long since he'd felt this kind of excitement to see somebody after all this time completely on his own, knowing that they were all going to die.