The stress finally gets to Byeol
Byeol woke up feeling disoriented. There had been so much that happened in the past few weeks of her life and while it had hit her, it was really hitting her right now. All she could think about was to cry.
She had woke up feeling the familiar lump in her throat. She gulped, hoping it would go away. And like any other time she was feeling like this, she threw herself into work. Heading to the company with Yugyeom, she spent a few hours in the studio putting a song together before practice.
She was still refusing to go online and if she needed too, she'd ask one of the boys to do it. They'd happily look up whatever she needed. It was just for now, until it had all blown over. But to Byeol, it seemed like it was never going too.
It wasn't just some random scandal that would last for a few weeks then everyone would forget about it. This was a big story, with a lot of details that she was constantly berating herself for giving out. It wasn't going away in a few weeks. At least in her mind.
They practiced for hours, just like any other normal day. She, and the others, had been doing their best to continue on as if it was any other normal day. A regular work day. And it worked to an extent for her, but today it just wasn't.
She still had the lump in her throat; nothing had been able to make it go away. Her eyes kept watering but she'd blink it away before the tears could fall. She could feel it in her bones; screaming out to just let one good cry happen.
But she refused. She was strong, she knew she was strong and she didn't need to cry. What she failed to realize, almost all of the time, was that strong people need to cry too. Bottling it all up only made it worse and she had been bottling a lot of it up.
She stumbled over her feet, almost tripping and JB gave her a look through the mirrored wall. She smiled sheepishly, but he noticed her eyes were glossy. He wanted to stop, ask what was wrong, but he didn't think she'd want him pointing it out to everyone in the room.
But Mark had noticed too. He was right next to her and had barely grabbed on to her tank top to hold her up. She had looked at him quickly to thank him and he noticed too; the glossy eyes. But when they both looked at her seconds later, she was fine.
They practiced a few more times, until they were content that it was nearly almost perfect before JB called it a day. "Same time tomorrow and I'll take us all out for meat after." He smiled as everyone cheered. "Moon, you coming?" Yugyeom asked.
She shook her head, smiling softly. "Is it alright if I just practice a little more? I tripped a few times and just need another hour to be up to par." JB opened his mouth to argue that she was doing fine but Mark placed a hand on his shoulder, nodding. "I'll stay."
JB sighed and nodded. "Call if you need anything," he said and they all filed out. "She'll stay at mine tonight, Yugs. Don't wait up." Mark said and Yugyeom nodded, confused. But Mark knew that she was gonna break down at some point and bringing her home to a sleeping Yugyeom wasn't going to help.
"Wanna tell me what's going on?" Mark asked and she shook her head, plastering a smile to her face. "Nothing, Markie-poo. I'm fine," she cooed and he narrowed his eyes. He hated when anyone called him that and she did it just to get under his skin. He was sure of it.
"What did I say about calling me that?!" He groaned and she giggled, winking at him before sitting down and stretching, facing away from him. He had hoped her usual banter with Mark would help make her feel better, but it seemed to only make the lump grow.
She gulped a few times, noticing that her hands were starting to tremble and her body was screaming louder than ever to just let it out. Her vision went blurry as tears welled up and she did her best, blinking fast. Because as soon as the first one fell, the flood gates would open and she'd make a whole ocean of their practice room.
"Moon," Mark said quietly, stepping up next to her, tone of voice gentle. And that's all it took. All it took was stupid Mark Tuan to talk to her in a gentle voice to start the water works. And as soon as the first one fell, the others followed quickly after.
Until she was a trembling mess, knees pulled up to her chest, head buried in her legs. She could feel the snot running out of her nose but didn't care at this point. She was sobbing, so hard that it felt like her muscles were relieving pent up tension.
"M—Ma—Mark," she choked out and her broken voice was all it took for him to drop to his knees and pull her tightly to his sweaty chest. "Let it out, baby. I'm here. I'm right here." He cooed, which only seemed to make her cry harder.
"I—it won't g—go—go away." She said and he frowned. He knew what she was talking about, but he didn't want to talk about that right now. Not while she was in this state. "G—god it just w—won't s—st—stop!" She choked out again and Mark couldn't help but smile a little.
"Because you have it all in you, Moon. Just let it come out and then it will stop." For once, she listened to him without argument, without complaint. Her sobs were breaking his heart and the intensity of them almost made him start crying.
She was trembling, hiccupping and he was using the sleeve of his shirt to wipe her nose, which he didn't find completely disgusting at the moment. He never let her go though, squeezing tired when a particularly grueling sob would leave her and patting her head with whispers of encouragement that it would pass.
And finally, it did. After almost two hours of her uncontrollably ugly crying, she'd finally stopped and was just sniffling here and there. "You know," Mark said, helping her sit back up by herself and she just looked at him, eyes puffy and beet red. "Most girls look pretty when they cry. Except for you. I should've took a picture. Now that would have been scandalous."
She scoffed, weakly pushing him as he laughed, helping her up. "Feeling better?" She nodded, still not trusting her voice to say anything. And her throat was hurting from how much she'd cried, hiccupped and coughed during her little breakdown.
She silently walked out to Mark's car, glad that he had given her his baseball cap. She pulled her mask up and pulled the hat down so if anyone was lingering for pictures, they'd never get one of her puffy eyes and tear-stained cheeks. They reached his apartment faster than she anticipated.
"Tired?" Mark asked and she nodded, eyes welling up again. She chastised herself for being so emotional right now. Mark sighed, noticing she wasn't done yet. "C'mon, cry baby." He gently teased, pulling her towards his bedroom and tossing one of his shirts and pair of his shorts to her.
She didn't care that he was there, automatically taking off her shirt and putting on his and slipping into his shorts. If he cared, he didn't say anything. She crawled into his large bed, burying herself under the covers and just breathing in his scent. Despite them usually fighting, Mark and Youngjae seemed to be the only two that could calm her enough when she was like this.
She felt the bed dip and Mark's arms were around her, turning her and pulling her towards his bare chest. He ran his fingers through her hair and she felt another tear fall. He chuckled, rubbing her back. "One big cry, Moon. Then it's all over and we'll go to yours in the morning so you can cook me breakfast."
And so she let out her tears once again, making sure that she didn't keep any in this time. And Mark held her all night, until she finally cried herself to sleep. He kissed her forehead, closing his eyes.
"You owe me some damn good pancakes."
