Byeol asks JB for help
Byeol switched from foot to foot. She was currently standing in front of JB's studio. She had been doing so well the past month, getting back into her old routine and feeling more like herself. But she knew the damage within was there and that she needed more than just talking to her members.
But she was afraid. Mental health still had a taboo stigma around it in South Korea. She honestly didn't think JYP would care enough to help her out, let alone did she really trust his judgement on who to go to. But she was also afraid to ask Jaebeom for help.
He had struggled himself, just like they all had. But she knew he hated talking about it and rarely did. She knew he wouldn't judge her. Knew he wouldn't hold anything against her. Yet she was still scared and timid. They had a comeback coming.
Jackson was on his way back from China so they could start practicing and working on it. Jinyoung was finishing up his acting stuff so that he could focus on the upcoming comeback. Yugyeom had been in the practice room more and more lately coming up with choreography. Mark was actually waking up before noon to start getting his sleep schedule back on track.
Youngjae was practicing his vocals more. They were all excited for this; all ready for this. It had been a while and she knew they wanted nothing more than to just enjoy each other's company and have fun like they always do. Doing what they love. But as much as she wanted to block everything out and make this her sole focus, she knew it wasn't possible. It was still to fresh and the years she spent blockading it out wasn't any help anymore.
She took in a deep breath, determination set in on her features. She raised her fist to knock on the door when it opened. "Oh!" She gasped, jumping a little. Jaebeom jumped a little too, not expecting to see anyone standing right outside his door, let alone with a raised fist.
"Were you going to hit me?" He teased, crossing his arms over his chest. Byeol looked at her still raised fist and quickly brought it down, biting her bottom lip. "N-no. I was—I was about to knock." JB could sense her nerves and he stiffened a little, pulling her inside and closing it.
"What happened?" She looked up at him and cocked her head to the side. "Nothing?" JB clicked his tongue, starting to pace back and forth in front of the door. "Did he contact you again? Did someone say something? Another nightmare?" She grabbed his arm, calling out oppa in a soft voice and looking at him with wide, chocolate eyes.
"I'm fine, really. I just—I need to ask you something and I'm worried about it." JB visibly relaxed and led them over to the small loveseat, sitting down. "You should have just said that first." He chided and she rolled her eyes, shaking her head. "No one told you to go all panic mode." She muttered and he narrowed his eyes. She held her hands up; if they started their banter now she'd never get around to asking him.
"What is it you need, Moon-ssi?" He asked and she sighed, squeezing her hands together. "I think that I might need some help. More help than what you can offer me. And I don't know where to look and, God—" she got up and started to pace around, rearranging things that didn't need rearranging. She felt like a child right now and even more stupid for asking. Why was it she felt so weak to ask for help?
"—never mind. This was stupid. I shouldn't have come. I'm sorry I bugged you." She jumped a little when she felt him wrap his arms around her waist, resting his chin on her shoulder. Jaebeom didn't show affection much and while she usually took it with all the love she could get, she only felt like he was pitying her right now.
"It's not stupid to ask for help, Moon. I'm always here to help. In anyway you need. I have someone you can talk to. You can trust them." She nodded slightly, feeling the familiar burn of tears in her eyes and she grunted at herself, pressing her palms harshly against her eyeballs. There was no reason for her to even cry.
JB sighed, turning her around and pulling her head to his chest. "You—you don't think I'm crazy? Or weak?" He chuckled, kissing the top of her head. "I think you're crazy for many reasons, Moon. This is definitely not one of them. And you're always weak because you refuse to go to the gym. But this—right now—this is probably the strongest I've ever seen you."
She looked up at him and his dark orbs were staring into hers. He wasn't lying—not that she thought he would. But she couldn't help her own worries sometimes. "I'm here to help, Moon. And if getting a different type of help is what you need, I'll do that. I'll call him and set up an appointment. I'll bring you, but I'll stay in the car. We don't have to talk about it. But I will help. All you need to do is ask."
She hummed, pressing her cheek against his chest again and squeezing tighter around his waist. "I guess I don't ask for help much, huh?" She said and she felt the rumble of his chest as he laughed. "Never. Usually we're training in the art of mind reading so that we can read your mind when you need help." She looked up at him, frowning. "Well, you guys aren't very good at it."
He laughed again, wrapping an arm around her shoulder and leading her out towards his car. "You've never needed much help, Moon-ah. You're very strong. That's what worries me." She nudged his side and he smiled. "C'mon. We're going to pick Jackson up from the airport." A large grin spread on her face. How much she missed Jackson was intense.
They got in the car and JB started driving, music playing softly through the speakers. "Oppa?" Byeol asked, her forehead leaning against the glass of the window. He hummed in response, sparing a glance over to her half-sleeping form. "Can we not tell anyone? About me needing help? At least not yet. Especially not the company." He smiled, reaching over and patting her knee.
"Especially not the company."
