James' Point Of View
After the delicious pizza I walked to the bathroom to crush my teeth.
I looked at my face in the mirror, the few bruises on my face made me not want to look at myself anymore. I looked at myself again in the mirror and counted down from 10.
10
9
8
7
I looked away, I hated the person starring back at me. How could I let him come into my life again, I was free, I was kind of happy. I have a freakin crush, but he comes back and ruins it, I worked hard to make myself less scared and he comes in and crushes my work into small pieces, like it was nothing.
I feel like that small boy again. Afraid, hurt, and most of all, alone. I didn't have to be by myself in an empty room to feel isolated, I could be in a room full of people and a few trying to talk to me, and I'd feel isolated. No one knew about the real him, no one cared about me, and my parents they didn't care enough to notice and they still don't.
I just have random asthma attacks. At least that's what they think. They thought that Alec was a sweet boy that couldn't hurt a fly when they met him. They thought I was starting to befriend the football team. I wasn't.. I was just with the quarterback. I couldn't help but let a tear fall from my face again. I hate the thought of no one caring enough about me to notice how much pain I was and still am in.
My mom and dad found me and him in my room one day sitting on the bed, they didn't think much of it, but when I finally had a friend.. that was a girl... they thought we were doing things when really we were talking about some guys that we both found kind of attractive, not guys here but in movies, cartoons, and tv shows... They took my door off and put it in the shed, the only thing I have that gives me some privacy is the ten year old sponge-bob bed sheets that are nailed where my door should be... I still like sponge bob but I don't tell anyone that.
I decided to see if sponge bob is on tv at this time and to my luck he is. The magic conch episode is on and that is a favorite of mine. I sat there and watched sponge bob before it came off and then pressed the Hulu button on the remote, I went on my page and started to watch Danny Phantom.. one of my childhood crushes.
Yep, sponge bob got me in the cartoon mood. They helped me take my mind off of some things, it made me happy and I felt like I was a small kid, except for the parts of my child hood that my dad would see something about gay people and make it clear that "It's disgusting and never okay." I hated that. I was only four when they started telling me this.
I kept watching cartoons and ended up falling asleep.
"You know, I love you so much and I feel like you don't love me enough." He said as he stared at me, laying on the ground in the same position he had been kicking me in. My stomach is in so much pain and I was coughing up a little blood. It felt like one of my ribs is broken and he didn't seem to care.
"I love you so much." He yelled. No one could hear him. At this point no one could hear anything happening because of how far we are from anywhere. I laid there for awhile, him just starring at me. He helped me sit up against a tree and smiled at me, his thumb wiping a few tears away from my eyes.
"I'm so sorry." He said. He had a tear that fell from his eyes. "I love you, please say you still love me." He said making me lean against his chest.
I felt sorry for him. "I'm sorry but I don't think you do. How could you hurt someone, make them cough up blood, and still love them. Only because they don't want to be with you anymore." I told him, looking up at him and then away.
He grabbed my chin harshly and then made me look at him. "I love you." He paused. "I just have some.. issues. Don't make me angrier."
"No you don't." I told him. "You may have issues but you don't love me, and I hate you."
He punched me and then got up. "I wanted this to be a good night, my dad is making us move and I want to do this long distance. I care for you." He yelled. "You are so.. selfish."
"You're calling me selfish?" I asked, getting up, struggling to stay up and holding my stomach. "You are so selfish, so egotistical, so rude, so harsh, so alone.. that you made me believe that I am special, a senior wanted me. You just wanted someone easy to pray on, someone already distant from everyone else, so you didn't have to do that much work. I was so easy to pray on, cause if you got angry I could tell everyone it was just a fight, cause I'm so screwed up. I was so easy to pray on, cause I am so afraid to tell anyone I am gay. I'm so easy to pray on, because I'm weak and afraid that I push everyone away, I don't tell anyone how I feel, I have no friends, my family doesn't like how I am, who I am. I was so easy to pray on.. because no one cares enough about me to notice, and I don't care much about myself to get away from you. You're horrible person and I hate you."
He punched me again and I fell to the ground. "I'm a horrible person?" He asked. "I cared about you when no one did!" He yelled.
"This isn't caring! I can barely stand up! Hurting me isn't caring!" I yelled at him, trying to get up again.
"I care about you!" He yelled. I lied there. In pain. "You should care about me as much as I do you."
"I don't, and I'm not sorry." I told him. He kicked me and I fell on the ground again.
"You do!" He yelled and left.
For some reason I wanted to rat him out, call the cops and tell them I have been beaten almost to death by him, but I couldn't. I hate him but I couldn't call the cops and tell them what happened. I don't know if it is because I care for the part that was nice to me when I first met him or the fact that I am not a snitch and never want to be.
I struggled to get my wallet out and then grabbed all the cash in my wallet, about a hundred dollars because it was saved up birthday money from a while back.
"Here! Take my money." I told him.
"I don't want your money." He told me.
"Take it, I'll tell the cops that I was beaten and robbed." I told him. He took my money and left. I pulled out my phone and waited until I thought he would be closer to town. I waited for about thirty minutes, it was raining hard by that time.
I dialed 911 and told them I was beaten and robbed, I told them my location and not long they came and got me.
I jerked awake. I felt someone beside me so I kicked them. "Baby! Sweet heart it's me!" My mom yelled as she held my hands. I opened my eyes and noticed the had tears in her eyes. "You broke your wrist?" She asked.
I nodded, "Where is dad and Kara?"
"Getting their stuff out the car, I wanted to come and see you, I missed my baby." She hugged me and I smiled at her.
