Broken || mgc

Chapter 13

*Alison's POV*

It has been a few days since the incident. I couldn't even bring myself to say out loud what had happened to me. I don't even know how I'm living with myself right now. I hated my life. I felt disgusted with myself. With everything around me. I can't even stand being in my own room without those memories coming back to haunt me. I've been staying at a hotel near my house ever since. Being in that house was absolutely terrifying. I couldn't do anything. Ever since that day, I hadn't even gone out. I couldn't bring myself to. Afraid of what might happen if I go out. I just lay in bed most of the time. Barley even eating anything throughout the day. I had also developed a slight case of OCD. I'm constantly taking showers, washing my hands, and putting on hands sanitizer. I couldn't deal with what happened. I felt like his germs were all over me, and that they were still lingering. I felt dirty and disgusting. I thought, maybe if I wash my hands and wash my body enough, the dirt would go away. I would be able to be clean again.

Once in a while, Isabella would come over and check up on me. Bring me food, just be here for moral support. But I would just stay in bed most of the time. I didn't even want to get up. Bella would just sit on the edge of my bed and stare at me. I know I was a complete mess. But I couldn't help it. I had lost the only person that ever loved me. And I loved them too. I love Michael. But, now he won't even talk to me. He hasn't even given me the chance to explain myself. He doesn't know the exact events of that night and he doesn't plan on getting to know what happened. I've tried texting him, calling him, and nothing. He wants nothing to do with me.

"Bella, why didn't he give me a chance?"

"Babes, I don't know. But he was angry. He should've let you explain but in the moment he was angry and scared and didn't know what to do. Alison you know this happened before with him. Hilary cheated on him and he was head over heels for her. He loves you and he saw some random dude in your apartment, half naked. Obviously he would think the worst of the situation."

"But still. Bella, I love him. I haven't told him yet. And I hate myself for it. I love him so much and he's treated me so well. You know I would never purposefully hurt him. I don't like talking about what happened, you know that, but I need him to know what happened."

"Alison. I really need you to talk to a therapist now."

"What? No. I can't even get out of bed, much less go out."

"Why are you so scared of going out? I will be there with you."

"No. Bad people. I don't wanna see people. I wanna stay here. No one can hurt me here." I bring the covers closer to my face. I wasn't ready to face the world. I wasn't ready to go out yet.

"I can bring someone here. They can come here and talk to you. You don't have to go out. But you need to talk to someone. You can't even go to sleep for more than 2 hours straight because you have nightmares. You have panic attacks more often and you keep blacking out. You're a germaphobe now and you can't even go out of this room. You are not okay. A therapist can help you get through this. They can help you move on."

"Move on? How am I supposed to move on from this? I can't. What happened was terrible and it was all my fault.." I say. My voice was become lower and lower.

"Your fault? ALISON YOU WERE RAPED!" I shrink back into the covers. I hated talking about this. I hated that word. I let out a scream. I'm disgusting. I'm a slut. Isabella comes closer to me and by now I'm shaking and sobbing. She holds my shoulders tight and hugs me closer to her. I bring my hands up to my throat and start rubbing at my skin, trying to rub off the germs. The germs he left behind. She tries to swat away my arms but I keep bringing them back up again. The memories were still lingering in my mind. His hands around my neck. I couldn't handle this anymore. I didn't want the memories of that night anymore. Why did I have to get drunk in the first place? I just wanted Michael here. I needed Michael here.