Coca.

Thirty Four

Thirty Four
This isn't goodbye

"I got him Charlie. I promise"

We had finally made it to Zaiyr's game. When we pulled into the parking lot I could already see Tyler,TJ, and Taegan standing by the gym door. I wasn't the only one who spotted them. A smug smirk was on Andre's face.

"You good Charlie?" He smiled. "Yep." He looked at Kalyn and nodded toward Tyler so she knew why he had asked. She looked back and smiled at me. I playfully rolled my eyes at her.

"Zaiyr look, pops is here!" Andre told him as he parked. Zaiyr jumped out and ran toward Tyler and his siblings.

TJ hugged him first. They weren't just brothers, they were best friends. I knew they missed each other. This would be the first time they wouldn't be playing on a team together. Once Zaiyr was done hugging TJ he grabbed his sister and then finally jumped into Tyler's arms. Tyler was spinning him around and repeatedly kissing his forehead. We made sure the kids seen each other since we've been separated, but Tyler hadn't seen Zaiyr in almost 5 months. He has raised him with me since he was 2 and has seen him everyday since then, so I didn't question it when I noticed Tyler was teary eyed

"I missed you so much pops!" TJ and Taegan noticed me walking up and ran into my arms.

"Hey mom!" I couldn't help but to feel terrible. I missed them so much and they missed us. This was all overwhelming. I briefly hugged Tyler and we all walked in to cheer our son on at his game. We were one big blended family. Sometimes Dre would take all three of them for a week in the summer since the boys hated to be apart. I always appreciated that he loved them all.

Maybe it was a blessing in disguise that I didn't bring another baby and another dad into this mess. Only God knows.

Tyler sat next to me. "What did you and Dre decide?"  "He's going to go to school here for a year. Give the case time to play out." He nodded. "It's looking good. That shit is just about dead, I'll talk to you more about that later. Did you want to talk to the kids while we're all together? Let them know about the divorce? They know something is wrong."

"I'm not up for it right now. They're so happy to see each other, I don't want to upset them right now." "It's never going to be a good time Charlie." "I know. Just not today okay." "Okay. You're feeling better? You had a stomach bug or what?"

"Yea. I feel better."

We didn't speak much more the rest of the day. Zaiyr was playing in a tournament so he had games most of the day. We attended them all. Tyler and the kids went back to Houston. I declined to ride back with Tyler and told the kids I would come and get them soon. I went to Andre's so that I could say goodbye. Andre and I went to tuck Zaiyr in together.

"Hey Zai, so Daddy and I were thinking that you go to school here for a year. What do you think about that?" He looked like he was thinking about it. "Could TJ come too?" "No baby. He's going to stay in Houston, but we'll make sure you guys see each other all the time." "You know your brother can come over any time Zai, and I'll take you to him." Dre added.

"Are we still brothers even though you and pops are breaking up?" Our kids were always smarter than what we give them credit for. We didn't realize how much they actually paid attention.

"TJ and Taegan will always be your brother and sister no matter what." He nodded. "Ok. So I'm staying with Dad?" "Yep. How does that sound?" Dre asked him while he tickled him. Zaiyr busted into a fit of laughter. "Sounds good Dad."

"You know I'm always a call away. You can FaceTime Me, Grandma, Pops, and your brother and sister. I'm still going to see you as much as possible. Like all the time okay?" This conversation was breaking my heart. I can't believe I had dug myself in such a huge hole that I had to leave my son.

"Okay Mommy. Don't cry." He wiped one of my tears. Andre wiped my tears on the opposite side and kissed me on the temple. "Tell your mom not to worry. We got you." "Don't worry Mom." We read him a bedtime story and I kissed him goodnight. Once we stepped out of the room I buried my face into Dre's chest to cry. He held onto to me tight. "I got him Charlie. I promise." "Okay. I just didn't picture this for him." "I know. But we're going to get it right. You're going to get it right. Don't forget what I told you. You're a queen. Act like it."

"Alright see you later." I said gathering my things to leave. "Love you Dre." "Love you too Charlie."

I took heed to his advice. I couldn't let Izzy get away.

Me: hope to see you sooner than later. I'm sorry about yesterday. I'm trying to unpack my feelings. I miss you already. I love you.

Israel💙: I love you too.

It's a start.

—

I was moving into my new place in the morning. It felt good to have some type of freedom. Charlie was on some other shit one minute and then she loved me the next. It's sad to say, but the baby did hold us together. She was pushing me away and we didn't have much reason to communicate. 

"Who are you texting?" Mya asked. I had came over to talk and get some more of my  stuff but it ended in sex. In my defense, Charlie and I haven't made anything official. She's been trying to pawn me off on Mya all this time. Might as well right?

"Jason." I lied. Another text from Charlie came through.

C: want to meet me in New Orleans in a couple of days?

Me:  I'll see

I wasn't trying to be dry or rude, I was just tired of her flakiness. I don't know if it's worth all of the trouble.

C: ok..let me know. FaceTime me? I wanna see your face

Me: busy rn. I'll hit you in a hour

"Put your phone down and talk to me. Rude ass" "My bad." I put my phone down and kissed her. "Are you still seeing her?" "She's back in Houston." "Are you going to see her though? Is it over?"

"I'm not sure honestly. Everything is weird since she lost the baby." Her face dropped and she turned toward the tv. I grabbed her chin so that she could look at me. "I'm trying to be honest. You can't expect things to be the same. I'm moving into a whole new place tomorrow. Without you." "You did this to us."

"I'm going to fix it one day." It was late and I didn't want to end up staying the night here complicating things further. I got up to leave.

"Izzy. Can you come back tomorrow?" "For what?" "So we can try to work this out. Please?" "What time?" "Like 4?" "Okay." Women were so weird. One minute she hated me and the next she was begging me back like she was the one who did me wrong. I didn't know what I wanted at this point. I guess I could see how this goes though. I'll give myself some time to choose.

Me: what day for New Orleans?

Omniscient

Mya stood at the window watching Israel texting in his car before driving off. She was making sure that he was actually gone before she made a phone call. "I did what you said. He'll be here around 4"