Parted Ways

CHAPTER TEN

If making other people's feelings well in exchange of my heartache, I will always do it. I will always risk myself.

Kahit ako na 'yung masaktan. Kahit ako na 'yung mahirapan, magsakripisyo at kung ano pa man. Ang mahalaga nakatulong ako sa iba. Ang mahalaga may naisalba akong isang tao.

I'm already used to it. I'm always the one who sacrifices, pero kahit sanay na ako, takot pa rin akong masanay.

I only want assurance but I never asked for me to become used to something.

Alam mo 'yung pakiramdam nang sanay na? Hindi ka na natatakot. Hindi ka na nasasaktan.

The only thing that pushes me to continue despite of everything is that I care. I care for everyone around me, I care for other people that I might influence, and I care for myself.

Do you also know kung anong pinaka-malalang naidudulot ng pagiging sanay mo?

Once you've become used to something, or even to someone, nagsasawa ka at nawawalan ng pakialam. Kaya hanggang kaya mo, magpatuloy ka, h'wag mong hahayaan ang sarili mong masanay dahil hindi mo alam kung anong mga masisira. You might ruin relationships with the people you love, you might not take once in a lifetime experiences and chances, and most importantly, you might lose yourself.

Kahit gusto kong ako naman ang piliin, wala eh. You can't force someone to do the same thing you've been doing for them. Nevertheless, stay kind and always choose to continue.

It's almost 3 days since what happened between me and Caden. Hindi ko pa ulit sinubukang makipag-usap sa kan'ya. I feel sorry and unfair to him, kasi hindi pa siya tapos sa pagluluksa, iniwan nanaman siya ng taong laging nasa tabi niya.

I'll talk to him naman before the class starts. I need to apologize. I need to stay by his side.

I slept early because I was scheduled to buy my back-to-school needs the next day. My alarm clock didn't rang yet but then I was awkaen because of my mother's undying knock on my door.

"Aruzel! Ano ba bumaba ka na!" I walked through the door.

Binuksan ko ito sa isang maliit na siwang, "Mom later nalang, 20 minutes please." I used my puppy eyes and then closed the door.

Hindi pa nga ako nakahahakbang ay may kumatok nang muli.

"Mom, pleas-" parang napipi ako. I closed the door and checked myself first in the mirror. I didn't expected this!

After a couple of minutes, I startled upon hearing his voice.

"Solhera, can you open it now?" he said and gently knocking.

Stay calm, Aru! I inhaled and exhaled before I finally opened the door.

"Hey, C-caden." I can't thoroughly look at his eyes so I just turned my gaze into his hands.

He held my chin and then our eyes met. I saw a glimpse of something I can't explain.

"I'm sorry. I should've not left you." well it's a miracle I didn't stuttered saying those.

His hands travelled from my chin up to my cheeks.

"Te extrañé." he said almost a whisper kaya hindi ko rin masyadong narinig.

"Akala ko ayaw mo na talagang maka-usap ako, akala ko nagsawa kana." siya naman ngayon ang hindi makatingin sa akin ng diretso.

"H'wag kang mag-alala, nagpahinga lang ako." I said in all honesty.

Totoo naman, nagpahinga lang ako, pinalipas ko lang tapos handa nanaman akong sumugal.

In today's world, walang ibang malalapitan kundi ang sarili mo. Ikaw at ikaw lang din ang tutulong sayo.

"I'm sorry too, I should have been more sensitive. If you want I can explain it to you?" nag-angat siya ng tingin ngunit agad din namang binawi ito.

"Wait, what are you talking about?"

We're just kids, right. The problem between us was nothing compared to his own. How can I explain it to him na dahil lang 'yon sa mababaw kong dahilan?

Should I tell him that I let him handle his problem alone because I got jealous? So immature of me. My good God, I wasted time tapos ngayon lang ako dinalaw ng realisasyon? Naging makasarili ako.

Pero hindi naman masama iyon diba? That's the most important thing, you should always choose, care and love yourself. There's no need to be sorry for if you chose yourself first. That's the right thing to do.

"About us? We got misunderstanding right? I know you have feelings for me so you can't lie to me. It's all about Kara, come on I'll explain it all to you." he had the courage to look me in the eye now.

"I already told you, it's me. I just took a break because I can't recognise myself anymore. Don't worry there's nothing to do about you." parang kanina lang nagsabi ako ng totoo, ngayon nangsinungaling na naman ako.

After a couple of minutes I let him go downstairs because I took a shower first.

Kitang-kita ko sa mata niya ang kalungkutan habang nakikipag-usap siya sa mga magulang ko.

Kamusta na kaya sila ni Tito? Last time his father called me hindi raw siya halos kausapin ni Caden.

"What are your plans now, hijo? Isang taon nalang mag-kokolehiyo na kayo, saan ka mag-aaral?"

"Mommy wanted me to study here, Tita. I will pursue it kahit na gusto po ni Daddy na sa Manila ako." he said while smiling bitterly.

"Hijo, think about opportunities. Pag-isipan mong mabuti iyan." my father interrupted.

"Anak, nandyan kana pala. Come here let's eat na."

I was about to seat beside her when she spoke, "Seat beside Caden, anak."

I did what she said, hindi pa nga ako nakakasubo ng isang kutsara nagsalita nanaman siya.

"Your father and I wouldn't be able to join you buy your stuffs today, I guess it's better if dalawa nalang kayo ni Caden? Besides he said that there's something you two need to talk about." my mother said with a smirk.

That exactly what happened. It's already 4 PM when we finished shopping, while waiting for our driver I saw Caden looking uneasy.

"Hey, are you alright?" I held his hand and it's so cold.

It seems like me doing the first move was his cue to finally say what he wanted to.

"Solhera, thank you for staying at my side. Thank you for everything. Sorry for being dumb, I thought of this for so long. I want you to stay by my side and never leave. Te extrañé. I missed you, and I don't wanna ever miss you again. Can.. can I court you?" he asked wholeheartedly.