Parted Ways

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Happy 1st month of existence, Parted Ways!

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I haven't slept enough because those realizations didn't let me.

I sat at my vanity table and stared at myself for a while.

"Anak, I'm sorry."

I saw my mom's concerned reaction reflecting on my mirror.

Hindi ako nakagalaw at naramdaman ko nalang ang bahagyang pagtubig ng aking mga mata.

"Stop crying, those shed tears of yours last night was enough." my mother joined me and then caressed my face.

"How did you know?" I tried my best not to stutter.

"I just know because I know everything about you." she said and shifted her attention to my hair now.

Her gestures and words was like a signal to me to finally let out my tears.

"M-mom, I'm s-sorry."

"Hush, you don't have to be the one who says sorry all the time."

I cried harder.

She hugged me tight.

"I raised you to be tough, and you became one. I saw you being tough not only for yourself but for everyone around you," my mother paused and I heard little sobs from her. "Pero mukhang napasobra naman yata anak. Sometimes I wonder, have I raised you wrong? Pinalaki kita para maging gano'n, para sa ikabubuti mo pero bakit hindi na tama? Bakit inuuna mo ang kapakanan ng iba kaysa sa sarili mo? We all knew that it's the right thing to do pero isipin mo rin ang sarili mo. Magtira ka para sa'yo, ano pang maibibigay mo sa iba kung ikaw mismo sa sarili mo ay wala na? Anak, I only want the best for you. I want you to promise me that from now on you'll start to choose yourself first. Stop doubting, my dear Aruzel. When you start to choose, love, and care for yourself, trust me everything will fall into their right places. Everything that happens in your life, starts with you. Mother's knows best, anak. I love you, always remember that."

I didn't know how I ended up being at school after that emotional session with my mother.

I already made up my mind. I inhaled and exhaled before I finally had the courage to go inside our classroom.

I saw the activity written on the board. Silence filled them, everyone was focused on doing the things in their own.

I sat on my chair and took a glance at Farah, I just gave her a small smile and didn't waited for her response. Well I don't know if she did, though.

When I turned my gaze to Caden, upon meeting his eyes, he immediately withdraw.

I just shrugged and gave my focus to the task given to us.

Today I promised not just my mother but myself, to finally choose me first, in any way and circumstances.

It takes time, of course. You can't just do what you said you would.

Time is the foundation of everything.

I'm the type of person na hindi kayang magtagal ng mag-isa. Maybe I'm really used to the saying 'No man is an island'.

-But today is different, I need to isolate myself from them for the sake of everybody.

I need to do this because I don't want to be too selfish anymore. I need to be, sometimes, but not in the times like this. I don't know what they're facing right now so I should become more sensitive. I should give them space for us to finally understand ourselves. Time will come and I know we'll go back to the way we used to be.