Parted Ways

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

I felt his hand around me loosened up its grip.

"He was right, you were never mine."

I turned to him and he was now 3 steps away but still facing me.

"I'm sorry, my Solhera." his last words before he finally walked away.

So this is how it feels like to be left by the one whom you admired the most.

Naramdaman ko ang pagbigat ng aking damdamin. Nasasaktan ako para sa sarili ko pero mas nasasaktan ako para kay Caden.

Gusto kong isipin na kaya siya umalis dahil pagod na siya, dahil hindi na niya ako kayang tagalan pa. Pero hindi eh, alam ko kung ano talaga.

I feel guilty. Guilt is the only thing I could feel right now dahil hindi na ako magugulat sa kung ano mang nangyayari, alam ko na simula pa lang, may posibilidad na humantong nga sa ganito ang mga bagay-bagay.

I saw the pain in his eyes. The way he refused my gaze, I exactly know what he thinks.

Alam ko na iniisip niyang hindi siya karapat-dapat sa'kin dahil lang sa mga nangyayari at pagsubok na 'to. Iniisip niyang lagi akong nasa tabi niya tuwing kailangan niya ng tulong pero kapag tungkol na sakin, wala siya. Add that words he said to their coach pero hindi niya naman napanindigan. Isa pa ang standards ng mga tao na hindi niya naabot, I know he really feels worthless now.

Gusto ko siyang hayaan muna para makapag-isip siya ng mabuti pero sa nangyayari ngayon I want to be selfish. Maybe this selfishness of mine would make things clear between us.

Ayokong dagdagan ang sakit na nararamdaman niya ngayon, I'll make up with him and tell him that things will all going to be alright. Seeing him suffer hurts me too and I don't like and I can't really stand it.

I promised his mother that I'll always stay by his side.

I promised myself that I'll choose what's best for me.

Sa ganitong paraan mapapagaan ko ang loob niya, maaayos ko ang relasyon naming dalawa at higit sa lahat mapipili ko na rin sa wakas ang talagang gusto ng puso ko.

Choosing and making up with him is my happiness.

Though it's not only about my happiness, it is also an assurance for him. It's the best for the both of us.

Hindi na ako nagdalawang-isip pa na habulin siya.

It's now or never.

I ran rapidly because any moment now the bell will already ring.

I reached our school gate and I can't see any mark from him.

I stayed there for a couple of minutes and when the bell rang, I decided to just get my things.

While walking back I feel like I'm lost of gravity. I kept on thinking for possible ways for Caden and I to get a chance to talk with each other.

Hindi ko alam kung ilang minuto na akong naglalakad ng wala sa wisyo pero wala na akong pakialam dahil siya lang naman ang laman ng isip ko ngayon.

"Ouch." I bumped into someone and that brought me back to my senses.

I sniffed and smelled a familiar scent.

I slowly looked up and there, everything felt familiar.

Everything seems like it all happened before.

The problem we have right now started just like this.

I am glad time gave me a chance like this, to feel what I'd already felt before.

The Caden with devilish smirk back then is now with bloodshot eyes.

I slowly held his face. "Stop crying, Caden."

Hinawakan niya pabalik ang mga kamay kong nasa maamo niyang mukha kahit pa alam kong sobrang nasasaktan na siya at ayaw niya lang ipakita.

Hindi ko na sasayangin ang pagkakataong ito.

I started to ruin him this way, but now I'm going to mend him, again, this way too.

Kung dati ay ginawaran ko siya ng mga suntok, ngayon ay iba ang ibibigay ko sa kan'ya.

"I'm always into you," I reached for him and then I hugged him tight. "It's just the label that we don't have but trust me, I've been and will always be into you."

I heard small sobs from him as he hugged me tighter.

"I'm s-sorry, baby."

He buried his face deeper on my shoulder. I'm glad because I know I'm already giving him comfort from this little gesture.

"Ssh, don't be sorr-."

"Give me a-another chance." his soft and stuttering voice is like a music to my ears.

Kahit gustong-gusto kong manatili sa posisyon namin ngayon ay hindi pwede dahil mas kailangan kong sabihin ang alam kong talagang makakapag-pagaan ng loob niya.

Bago ko pa maayos ang pwesto namin ay kumalas na siya.

"Please, my Solhera. Don't get tired of me. Don't leave.. me." he said like an awful one.

I made him look at me because he kept on refusing my gaze.

"I will never ever leave you, my Caden." he held my hands and look at them while he caress it softly. "I want to assure you that I will always stay by your side no matter what happens."

I want him to get this through with me. I want to grow with him. I want to overcome everything with him.

"We will get this through together." I said as I hugged him again.

"I missed you."

My heart skipped a beat at that.

"I thought you don't want to be with me again. I lost everything and I thought I would lose you too."

Kumalas ako sa mga yakap niya. He got shocked at my sudden movement.

"Listen," I said as serious as I can. "Promise me that you'll prioritize the things that you need to more than anything and anyone else. I want to see you achieve your goals, to see you do your passion, and of course to see you be the best version of your self. Let's mold our selves today for us to have a brighter future ahead."

"Gagawin ko ang lahat, Solhera. If that's what you want then I'll prove myself to you." he smiled and leaned towards me to give me a kiss on my forehead.

I broke the promised I just made. But I guess it's better this way? To give myself some time with him? Na hindi na kailangan pang patagalin pa, na magkasama naming hanapin at bigyan muli ng pagkakataon ang aming mga sarili.

Si Farah, sana maging maayos na rin kami, hindi man ngayon ngunit sana ay sa lalong madaling panahon.