madeline // a Taylor Swift adoption

22 // red eyes

after my little meltdown in the shower, i stood in front of the bathroom mirror wearing just my nike sports bra and some soffee shorts.
i grabbed at the extra skin on my stomach and turned to look at myself from the side.
ew, i thought to myself.
then i looked down to my thighs and stared at the side of my left one.
on my left thigh, i have a huge scar from when i broke my femur in the car accident with my mom... i had to get surgery that night to get the bone back into place. it was completely shattered and there was a huge gash too.
thinking of that night brings back so many unpleasant memories.
i still have really bad nightmares about it, in fact, i'm surprised i haven't had one yet since living here with taylor.
a soft knock on the door scared me, and i jumped, quickly grabbing my shirt from the sink counter.
"mads?" i heard on the other side, and i put my shirt on so fast.
"yeah?" i said, as if i didn't just cry over the way i looked and about how stressed i am for nearly 45 minutes.
"it's been awhile since you came upstairs, i was just checking on you," taylor replied quietly.
i turned the sink on and tried my best to wash the redness from my eyes, and then opened the bathroom door to find taylor sitting on my bedroom floor waiting for me to come out.
i walked over to my bed and grabbed my moms old bear from when she was a kid, and my favorite blanket.
thinking about my mom made me want her more than anything right now.
"wanna go watch a movie or something?" i asked, and taylor got up from her spot on the floor.
"sure, let's go to my bed if that's okay with you." she said and lead the way as if i didn't know where her room was.
as soon as taylor took her spot, i sat down next to her, making sure i kept some space between us.
i didn't know how well i washed my face before coming out, and i didn't want her to know i cried the entire time i was in the bathroom. that'd be embarrassing.

-

taylor's pov

"what do ya wanna watch?" i asked, and she shrugged. "i don't know." she said after a second, looking down at my comforter.
i looked at her for a second, noticing the red splotches on her face.
she looked like a mess.
after looking for a bit on netflix, maddie and i both decided to watch "if i stay". she had just finished the book a few weeks ago, so now she wanted to watch the movie.
i pressed play and maddie sat there, staring at the tv.
i scooted myself back towards the headboard and put a pillow into my lap. then, i gently grabbed maddie's shoulders and put her head into my lap right on top of the pillow.
she seemed a little startled for a second, but she relaxed as soon as i started playing with the hair on the side of her head while she continued to watch what was on the tv.
as i ran my fingers through her tangled hair, i couldn't help but just wish i knew what was going on in her head right now.
something is wrong.
she hasn't been herself for a few weeks now, and it took me until today to figure it out.
she never cries.
i finally looked up at the tv and began to watch the movie too, and as soon as the scene with the car accident happened, maddie jumped and gripped the bear that she was holding in her hand tight.
i looked down at her and i noticed a few tears come out of her eyes, but she quickly wiped them away as if they never happened and continued to watch the movie.
it was probably about her mom.
she's never told me much about it, but i do know that she almost passed away in a car accident and that her mom died.
i wish maddie would feel comfortable talking to me. we talk about normal things, but emotionally, she's  so closed off.
she never talks about her feelings, and i know from experience that holding everything in just makes everything worse.
she hides her emotions very well, and that scares me.