Finding Zen (With BTS' JIMIN)

9. Where Do I Go?

Please note that I have changed the language category to 'mature'... there will be increasing references to MENTAL HEALTH, TORTURE, VIOLENCE, ETC and

I STRONGLY RECOMMEND NOT GOING FORWARD IF YOU AREN'T COMFORTABLE WITH SUCH TOPICS.

HER

She had managed to suck up all her pain and emotions and graduate. Her career battle didn't end though. She had to work on it even tough she wasn't sure she was passionate enough for it. She knew she had begun and so she pushed, trying to fit her passion in for her sanity.

All this took her conscious effort, a lot of it in fact, but there was one thing that had been engrained in her head. She did it like clockwork. Opening her otherwise empty journal and running her fingers over the writing that she had now also gotten laminated. It also happened to be the first thoughts that clouded up in her head as soon as she woke up each morning.

She did all through the last few years even though she tried really hard to not do just that.

He seemed to be having fun. All the content she saw seemed as normal as ever. He had even been to the military and back.

So much time had passed - it felt even longer though - and only now was she even graduating her under graduate degree course. Her life wouldn't be worth all this expense of money and time if she didn't work another step in and go for another advanced degree. She knew the end didn't look bad at all, but the road was just too overwhelming and taxing for her sanity.

She had looked at what her next step would be ever since she got into her under grad, but she never imagined that her under grad alone would ever be so stressful and demanding to the point that at multiple instances all she wanted to was to quit.

She tried to tap into her thoughts when she was fresh out of highschool and taking many exams to get into various streams, but ending up here. She used to want to visit and stay in Korea for a while and would look up opportunities. Now she knew how demanding that would be, financially and even mentally.

She had joined to work back in her hometown until she had a proper plan set in her head.

Her heart ached for many reasons whenever she thought of picking up a fellowship as she had planned.

You will spend even more of the cash they earned...

You don't like it anyway...

You'll be in Korea... but... that means closer...

And even closer doesn't mean I'll get to see them...

Him...

I'll still be broke...

So much to repay to my family...

She shuddered as she was in the bathroom, doing her morning routine and getting dressed. The thoughts had her overwhelmed again. She shook it all off and tied her hair before going into the kitchen.

In the dorms she would have to lie in wait for food and obviously she wasn't a fan of the menu but didn't really have a say. It was a welcome change to be home. Despite how messed up that home actually was. Things weren't as bad as they used to be, or so she felt.