Finding Zen (With BTS' JIMIN)

21. Is It Just Me...?

FIRSTLY
THANK YOU FOR 200 READS!

And also

MENTIONS OF MENTAL HEALTH
SO IF YOU AREN'T COMFORTABLE... DON'T GO ON (REFERENCES ARE LIGHTER THAN EARLIER CHAPTERS)

HER

Zen finally sat down to book her tickets after Leah had told her how she was taking her sister to Korea and possibly going to the upcoming SKZ album's fansign. She texted Azia who was proprobably still asleep before getting to it and when she was done she rushed off to work.

The department had just the juniors working in now with winter holidays for everyone and though they were listed "on-call" none of the seniors really wanted to help. Zen always thought that their service should be first because they were still earning by being "on-call", but with the greed for money, most of the room was filled with people who put money before the clients - both the seniors and the juniors alike.

She was surprised once again by everyone playing about in the absence of the seniors. Though she saw it time and time again, she had never gotten numb to this and she read up over a particularly tricky case from before.

After days like this passed and she had been in there for half a year already, it was finally time for her to return after nearly five years since the first time she landed.

Four years since I left... nearly...

Since that evening I almost wasn't going back, but Azia did tell me to go on ahead... her work had popped in and so she would come two weeks later...

So well... she would want to go around in Busan again... so... I might as well do the Seoul tripping... myself...

She shuddered at the thought as she finished packing and stood up, picking her journal up to read.

Is it just me... or were they all right having called me 'obsessed' back then...

Was I denying it all this while...?

Truly I never felt it that way... but... it was total emotional support... like everyone else who agreed with the one who coined "emotional support Kpop boy"...

Even now... I... think its more of my mental sanity that is almost at loss... I do think it has been mostly mental care...

I mean I do what I do as a professional because of all this...

And I somehow always felt this was draining them... him... and that they need to be cared for back...

Not like I'll ever get to do that... but basically... that's all I'd dreamt...

To be there for them... for him... like they... like he... had always been for me... though he didn't know a thing...

It's like our souls shared something... even if it's just one dance together...
Because the familiarity that oozes out in my subconscious is not just something that came through familiarity from being a fan...

Almost reminding me of what Jung said about an animus...

Though... I hardly dream... and oh yeah... I've felt like he has been in two... out of like... the 15 years that have passed... I barely had even 10 or 20 dreams...