Finding Zen (With BTS' JIMIN)

16. Future Certain, But Fate Uncertain

HER

Their two weeks in Korea ended really fast, but loaded with memories. Leah had them updtated as well. She had the time of her life with SKZ, but she really felt bad about not having had two tickets then, but Zen managed to calm her down because she had really loved Busan.

Leah had just come from the fansign when the two went to bed for their last night in Busan and with a reunion in Seoul they flew home out of Incheon. They had heard a lot about how it felt in the floor area, how she had felt when someone remembered her when she had come to the fansign.

Soon Zen and Leah were deep in their preparations again. Post grad exams were drawing near and as for Azia, she had found a job and was settling, but she was a homebody and dearly missed Zen.

Zen still looked away from her books, but only for self care and that happened to involve reading the journal. She had two secrets now.

She never thought of herself as hard working, but she had survived under grad and the only post grad she really thought she saw herself in wasin high demand and would definitely not be easy to get in.

She had drifted apart from everyone aside from her parents by the time she was done with the exam and finally free and this made her really scared to text anyone. She would have such a moment of anxiety before she did that she would put her phone away after turning up the volume and playing some music. It was usually a multiple artist playlist on shuffle and with obviously more Korean than all others put together, just like she'd had it when she was young when she needed to heal.

When the results and allotments came she had what she had hoped for, though she and Leah weren't going to be told there, they both had got what they had wanted.

Life was busy and any separation that had been there had only worsened. She barely had time for herself - anything besides reliving in vivid out of her journal - and her family was really pushy on one thing - getting her married.

She instantly would offer her rebuttal. She knew she was in denial.

Who am I kidding...

Look at me and my life... and his...

Why do I only think of him...

He deserves everything... I am nothing...

Like damn he has met countless fans and others...

He is so beyond...

All I want is him being happy... but I just felt that around him...

I know I don't deserve it... but...
I guess I just crave it...

I never expected to see him in person... and then that happened and we crossed paths...

I just... the hope...

It's...

I just... have some feeling that he remembers... why...

I even didn't want to have my name reported there in Korea... I was embarrassed and I didn't want anyone to know... but..
My first thought was in case he would see...