Finding Zen (With BTS' JIMIN)

10. Not Going Anywhere

THERE ARE MULTIPLE REFERENCES TO MENTAL HEALTH RELATED ISSUES AND THEIR CERTAIN SYMPTOMS.

THIS IS NOT TO MOCK OR CRITICIZE ANYONE... I HAVE NOTHING BUT SUPPORT FOR YOU TO RISE UP STRONGER...

PLEASE DON'T PROCEED IF SUCH CONTENT MAKES YOU TRIGGERED OR UNCOMFORTABLE...

THIS BOOK HAS BEEN RATED 'MATURE' IN LANGUAGE OWING TO SUCH CONTENT.

HIM

He knew nothing was getting better. Getting back from the military and into the industry did mean getting used to all his schedules again. The only schedule he had maintained before, throughout and after that grilling almost 2 years at the camp was reliving the memories of how he had felt a passing moment of zen with Zen a few years ago.

It was another day and in the wee hours of the morning he was awake and reading the journal off the pictures of it on his phone. Keeping it dark enough so as to not wake Hoseok up. He had also started having their lyrics open and playing their track on his headphones so that if someone did walk in on him he would just say that he was just working.

A few times in the beginning he did come off really defensive and everyone except Hoseok and Taehyung teased him over it. The two just left it un-probed hoping he wouldn't let it hurt him too much. They also diverted the jokes the others passed at times and turned it to admitting his perfectionist tendencies and work ethic.

The two weren't happy with it though. They tried to gently keep him sane while still trying to find out what was keeping him in such an unsettled state.

Hoseok once spoke to him when he was struggling to sleep and told him he still needed his rest while telling him how the career used to stress him out too.

Tae used his late nights to ask him gently too, but one day he finally gave up and asked him what he had thought had been the cause all along.

"It's her, isn't it...?"

It surprised Jimin, but he had got used to hiding it. He hated having to hide it from Tae so he still held up, having not even told him about the second encounter later the same day.

"..."

He sighed and gave in this time.

"Tae... I haven't told you so many things... I met her again that day... I went to the wrong restroom... the business class one... and when I was leaving... we crossed again... and overall... yes... it is her... I trust you... I... just thought it would pass..."

"Hyung..."

"I'm sorry..."

"Don't apologise... I understand... and don't worry... I'll still keep it from the others... but... it's breaking you from within...

You... aren't like this... I know it began as a stress from work despite how much you loved performing... and I know it hurt you that you felt that way...

Even Hobi hyung was like this... remember?"

Jimin nodded slowly. He knew he was embarrassed that even a career fuelled by his intense passion could still cause all the stress that he'd had. He wanted to silently find a cure, but the guys, especially Taehyung and Hoseok, had managed to find it out.