Last Summer

13

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

I stared at him for a while, trying to process what he said and what he did. I looked at him in disbelief. Hindi ko alam kung ano ba dapat ang mararamdaman ko o ano ba ang sasabihin ko dahil sa isang bagay lang ako sigurado ngayon, I'm confused.

You can't just hurt people one day, then, tell them you love them the next day and expect them to love you the same.

"No, you don't." The tears are building up in my eyes as I said those words. He doesn't love me, he needs me because of his situation. I'm so done being used.

"Please believe me, Gab." He held my hand tighter and I saw tears falling down from his eyes.

"Tama na, Liam.  Maawa ka naman sa'kin, please." Tears started rolling down my face at humihikbi na ako. "Tanggap ko naman, eh. 'Wag mo na akong saktan d-dahil ang s-sakit na kasi, eh." I covered my face with my hands but tears kept falling and I don't know how to stop.  "Stop playing with my feelings and confusing my mind." I ran up the stairs to grab my car keys and wallet. Nilagpasan ko si Liam at nagpatuloy lumabas papunta sa sasakyan.

Hindi ko alam kung saan ako pupunta ngunit gusto ko lang makalayo sa lahat kahit saglit lang. I know I did the right decision of choosing myself this time but the pain will forever scar me. I lost myself trying to please everyone and now, I lost everyone trying to find myself. Walang tigil ang pag-iyak ko habang nagmamaneho. Ang sikip ng dibdib ko na para bang paulit-ulit na tinutusok.

I stopped in this small convenience store and bought beers. I drove to the place where EJ and I went to stargaze.  Tears filled my eyes as I looked up to the stars.  I hugged myself because of the cold and I forgot to bring my jacket.  I also forgot to bring my phone, gusto ko sana tawagan sina Savvy, eh. I just want to hear their voices kahit hindi ko masabi ang problema ko kasi may problema rin sila, ayokong dumagdag.

"For once, I want to be someone else." I said to myself as I drank from the bottle of beer. I hugged both of my legs and rested my face on my knees. Patuloy na dumadausdos ang mga luha sa mukha ko at humihikbi na ako.

At that certain time, in that certain moment, I wanted to vanish.  I wanted to walk away from everything. The moment I told myself I am okay, was the moment I realized I'm not.

I finished 8 bottles of beer before deciding  to take a roadtrip, again. I'm not drunk, tipsy lang. I went inside my car and drove, without a destination.

Napag-isipan kong magpahinga sa isang Inn. Binigyan ako ng susi para sa kwarto ng isang staff.

"Enjoy your stay, ma'am. Just contact us if you need anything." The lady told me as she handed me the key. I just smiled at her and walked towards the wooden stairs.

Room 10.

I entered the room and flopped myself on the bed. Binaon ko ang mukha ko sa unan at hindi ko namalayang nakatulog na pala ako.

Kinabukasan, lumabas ako ng kwarto para kumain.

"Oh!" Napaigtad ako nang may bumunggo sa'kin. I looked up to see who it was. It's man with a handsome face. Thick eyebrows, long lashes, hazel eyes, pointed nose, thick and kissable lips. From the looks of it, he's younger than me.

"Oh, sorry." Paumanhin niya. He looked serious. I just nodded and walked away.

I ate in this small cafe and tried to think of what I should do since summer is almost over.