Last Summer

30

CHAPTER THIRTY

"Sage..." Tinawag ko si Sage.

He didn't turn around to face me, instead, he stopped. "Mauna na ako. I'm sorry." Aniya at umalis na.

Para akong pinako sa kinatatayuan ko at hindi ako makagalaw. Punong-puno ang aking isipan. Should I give EJ another chance? Or should I just leave the past to where it has always been? 

Natatakot ako. Natatakot akong maulit muli ang nangyari noon. I was a mess back then. I was so devastated that it took me 2 years to finally say that I'm okay without hurting inside. Should I really risk it all again? Kaya ko ba talagang sumugal sa isang bagay na hindi sigurado? I'm not sure if we are going to work it out this time... 

Nakatingala ako sa kumikinang na mga bituin sa terrace ng bahay namin, malalim ang iniisip. Maraming tanong ang namumuo sa aking isipan. Mga tanong na masasagot lang kapag sinubukan ko. Ngunit, natatakot talaga ako. Hindi ko pa kayang subukan ulit. 

"Gabbi..." Nilingon ko ang pinanggalingan ng boses na 'yun at nakita ko si Elijah. Mapupungay ang kanyang mga mata habang nakatingin sa'kin. I smiled at him before returning my stare at the stars above. 

"Hi," Panimula ko. "What are you doing here?" Nilingon ko siyang nakasandal sa railings.

"I'm here to see you," Aniya.

"Talaga ba?" Tumawa ako ng bahagya para maibsan ang tensyon naming dalawa.

"I'm really sorry about Abuela and what I did to you, Gabbi. Alam kong hindi mababayaran ng isang 'sorry' ang ginawa ko sa'yo. I left you during the times when you needed someone beside you. I'm a jerk. Sorry." Yumuko siya. "Pasensya ka na, ah." Dagdag pa niya.

"Okay lang, EJ. Naiintindihan ko naman, eh. You were flying towards your dream and having me would weigh you down. I don't want that to happen. But, it's all good now. Congratulations, Architect Fernandez." I smiled genuinely at him at natawa siya. 

"Thank you." Aniya.

We stayed quiet for a minute, watching the stars twinkle. 

"How.. how did you get past that time?" Naiilang niyang tanong. I knew he was hurting when he can't look straightly into my eyes as he asked that question.

Suminghap ako ng hangin bago ko siya nilingon. "I passed the hardest time alone and everyone thought I was doing okay. I felt like a drowning man clutching at straws." I chuckled. "Ang hirap noon. I didn't get to experience the normal heartbreak. I experienced being in a pithole. I was lost." I smiled and tears filled my eyes. I bit my lower lip to prevent myself from crying. 

"You're brave. I admire you for that." He caressed the top of my head. "I'm sorry, Gabbi. I'm sorry." Dagdag pa niya. 

Honestly, I'm not mad at him. I do not resent him for leaving me. I understand him. He chose himself and I think it's not selfish to choose yourself. Mas mabuti na rin 'yung hiniwalayan niya ako, I had a heavy baggage back then.