Always Adam

Chapter 31

I look in the mirror one last time before deciding I look fine. I'm wearing skinny jeans with a brown short sleeve cashmere sweater. I have on brown ankle boots. I did my makeup and think I look half way decent considering I'm a nervous wreck and not sleeping thanks to Adam. My phone beeps with a text from Carlos.  He's here.  I text him back that he can come up.  I know he has been wanting to see my apartment.  I hurry down to let him in. He comes in for a minute while I grab my purse. "Nice place," he says glancing around. "How cool is it to still be in high school and have your own place," he says or maybe he asks. I'm not really sure which it is. "It's alright I guess." I give him a quick tour of the place and we head downstairs.  Always the gentlemen he opens the car door for me.

Carlos makes small talk as he drives. I'm not in the mood for conversation. I feel bad, but figure he knew what he was getting into. We arrive at the party and I immediately wish I had not come. The music is loud. Everyone is getting on my nerves. I find the keg and grab a drink. Carlos hangs out nearby keeping an eye on me. I spot Ava, Nat and Marcus. I make my way to them. "You look like shit," Ava says when I reach them. "I know. Even make up can't hide the disaster I call my face these days." Ava gives me a sympathy smile. "If it makes you feel any better, Adam looks worse than shit." I think about this for a minute and still can't decide if it does make me feel any better.

After my fourth beer, I am dancing with Ava. We are dirty dancing together. We are grinding on each other. We have a small audience of boys watching and cheering us on. I have to admit I am having fun. I am also pretty much drunk. When the songs ends, Ava takes my hand and leads me to the corner of the dining room. She backs me into a corner and before I know it her lips are on mine. Once the shock wears off, I kiss her back. It's different kissing a girl. Her lips are thin and her mouth small. It feels a bit weird. When she finishes, she looks at me and says "Well." I look back at her and start to giggle. She giggles too. "It was different," I say. She raises an eyebrow. "I like kissing Adam better. Sorry." Ava breaks out in more giggles.

Two hours later I am completely smashed. I can't even stand I'm so wasted. I'm leaning against the wall watching the blur of people around me. I slowly slide down the wall and hit the floor. I close my eyes when the room starts to spin. I feel myself being lifted up. I open my eyes to see Carlos. I smile at him and wrap my arms around him. He carries me to his car and straps me in. I lean back and close my eyes. The last thing I need is to watch the scenery go by as he drives. I don't want to throw up in his car. When the car stops, I finally open my eyes. We're parked outside my apartment.

"Give me your keys," Carlos whispers. I hand him my purse. He searches through it for the keys. Once he has them he hurries around to help me out. "I'm sorry," I tell him as he practically carries me to the door. Once inside my apartment he takes me directly to my bedroom. He lays me down on the bed and turns to go. My stomach is rolling. I roll off the bed and barely find my garbage can before throwing up. At least I didn't do it in Carlos' car. I feel my hair being pulled back away from my face. I throw up again. Carlos scoots in behind me and rubs my back while holding my hair. It's a sweet gesture. Suddenly I'm embarrassed. "I'm sorry," I tell him. "Shhh. It's fine Carly. You're going through a rough time."

I lean back against Carlos' chest. I must have fallen asleep. When I wake up, I'm still leaning against him wrapped in his arms. He's leaning against my bed asleep. When I move he wakes up. "How you feel," he asks. "Like I drank too much," I try to joke. "Let me help you up to bed. Do you want some water," he asks as he helps lift me up to my bed. "If you don't mind," I tell him. I glance at the clock and see it's after four in the morning. Carlos comes back with a bottle of water and opens it for me. I sit up and take a drink. "Thanks," I tell him with a painful smile. "I should go," he says. "Will you be alright." I know I should tell him yes and let him go. Instead I say "It's late. Just stay." He gives me an unsure look. "Please," I say.

Carlos insists I take a couple aspirin before he covers me with a blanket and makes his way out to the couch. I fall asleep fast. I wake after ten and make my way to the shower. Carlos is asleep on the couch. I feel a lot better after my shower. I put on yoga pants and a tank. I brush out my hair and pull it back into a ponytail. When I finally leave my bedroom and head out to the kitchen living area, I find Carlos making coffee. When he hears me, he turns and smiles at me. "How are you feeling," he asks. I take a seat at the nook. "Not too bad actually. I think the aspirin helped." He grins. "It usually does." 

The coffee is ready and Carlos pours us each a cup. I add sugar to mine. He drinks his black. "Do you want something to eat," I ask him while we drink our coffee. "I'm good thanks. I'm going to head home when I finish my coffee." I watch Carlos as he finishes his coffee. "Thanks a lot for taking care of me last night," I say. He leans down across the nook so he's eye level with me. "That's what friends are for Carly. I'll always be here for you. Adam will come around. I know it isn't fair what he is doing to you. The anniversary of Nikki's disappearance is just bringing up some bad shit for him. Promise me you will be patient with him," he says as he tips my face up to his.

At that moment my door opens. I turn to see a stunned Adam standing in the doorway looking at me and Carlos. I know it must look bad to Adam, but I am not about to make excuses for what he is seeing. It's Carlos who breaks the uncomfortable silence first. "Remember what I said. I'll call you about our project," he tells me as he digs out his keys and walks right past Adam without a word. Adam shuts the door once Carlos is gone. I don't move from my chair. I sit staring at Adam. I don't have a clue what to say this moment.

Finally Adams steps further into the living room. "Can we talk," he says. I stand and motion for him to have a seat on the couch. I follow and take a seat next to him. We both turn so we are facing each other. I wait. "I'm not even going to ask about Carlos," he says. "I've been a complete ass. I owe you so much more than an apology Carly." I watch as tears slide down his cheeks. I want to reach out and wipe them away, but I don't. "This thing with Nikki has totally fucked me up. This is why I was afraid to get involved with you. I have so many unresolved issues with her."

I start to panic. Where is he going with this. He is going to break up with me. That's why he isn't concerned about Carlos being here. I can feel the tears starting to form in my eyes. I tell myself don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry. Be strong. But I see my life crashing down around me. I love Adam. It's Adam I want. I can't see a life without him in it. "What are you saying Adam." He looks at me and finally realizes what I am thinking. "No Carly. No." His hand wraps around my head and he pulls me to him. His lips crash down on mine. His tongue greedily devours my mouth. Before I know it he has me down on the couch. We're tearing at each other's clothes. I finally feel that everything is going to be alright when I feel him inside me.

After we lay on the couch together. Neither of us has said a word. I start to cry. Adam sits up and looks down at me. "Carly what's the matter," he asks worriedly. "I thought we were over. Adam I can't do this anymore. I love you so much, but I can't compete with Nikki," I cry. He pulls me to him. "There is no competition Carly. I love you so much more than I ever loved Nikki. Nikki and I were young and it was sweet, but what you and I have is explosive." I pull away to look at him. His beautiful blue eyes glisten with unshed tears. "It's all you Carly. You have more of me than Nikki ever had. I love you more than I ever thought I could love someone."

I listen to Adam's words of love and let it sink in. "This thing with Nikki was closure. I needed this time to make peace. I am so sorry I hurt you by shutting you out. I was saying goodbye to Nikki. A part of me will always love her. But you Carly. You are it for me. One day you will be my wife. There is no doubt in my mind." My lips find his and pull him back down on the couch. He wants me to be his wife. There is nothing I want more in life. I know Adam is it for me. I feel him enter me and know this is my future. This is all I will ever want.

Later, after we have both showered, we decide to go out to eat. While waiting for our burgers Adam finally asks "So about Carlos." I grin inside. So he was jealous. "He took me home last night after the party. I was totally trashed and sick. He was a prefect gentlemen." After a brief pause I add "He misses you Adam. He's a good guy. He didn't do anything to Nikki." Adam looks away and then back to me. "I know. I just can't go there Carly. It's too hard. It's easy to hang out with Donnie and TJ. I wasn't hanging with them when Nikki disappeared. The others were there. I can't get past it." I don't push the issue. Instead I say "Ava kissed me." He rolls his eyes. "She's been waiting for that opportunity since she met you. Are you planning to switch teams now," he asks. "I'm team Adam all the way," I say as our burgers arrive.