Always Adam

Chapter 35

The end of July I find myself at the West Riverside Fair. Ted and Donna find and secure us a nice spot for fireworks later in the night, while I take Olivia and Teddy around to ride and play games. I find myself having a nice time as Teddy tries to knock down milk bottles and shoot hoops to win a prize. Olivia tries her hand at hitting balloons with darts. We ride the ferris wheel, the bumper cars, the little whip it. I watch as Olivia rides the carousal by herself. Both Teddy and I sit that one out. I can only imagine how big my ass would look on those little horses.

I'm smiling and waving to Olivia when I see Julie and Doug. They don't see me. I turn away hoping they won't spot me. Julie and I had very little contact after she left last Christmas. Mike had mentioned she was back for the summer. I had heard she had decided to stay in Florida and attend the University of Florida. I just don't have the energy for them. I'm relieved when they don't notice me. I think about my friendships from West Riverside. I really didn't miss any of my old friends from West Riverside. What exactly did that say about me. Or what did that say about them. I did miss Mike though. Even being mad at him, I had still missed him.

I think about Ava and Nat. My heart aches. I do miss them. I know Ava is still staying at the house. She tried to move out, but Donna insisted she stay to keep an eye on the place. I'm planning to go back before school starts. For now, I need to be with my family. I haven't talked to Ava or Nat. I feel like a bad friend, but I just can't do it right now. Donna told me they both understood and will be there for me whenever I decide I can handle seeing them. They both call Donna at least once a week. I try to take their calls, but when it comes down to it, I just can't. They both remind me to much of Adam right now. I need to get over Adam first. Then I can work on my friendship with them.

I manage to dodge Julie and Doug the rest of the evening. I don't know if they are avoiding me also or if they just left. I don't really care though. The last couple times Julie and I skyped we really didn't have much to say. She moved on and had new friends and so did I. The last thing I wanted to do was share my misery over Adam with her. It was hard enough to deal with as it was. Knowing Adam chose Nikki over me. I still had no idea what happened and what was happening with Adam and Nikki. Donna told me that Adam hadn't had any contact with Ava either. I found that hard to believe, but didn't think Ava would lie. I sigh as I push all thoughts of Adam out of my mind. I put on my happy face and let Olivia pull me off to the next ride.

Finally, the evening sky turns dark. I drag Teddy and Olivia back to the spot where Ted and Donna wait. The fireworks should start within the next half hour. I lay back on the blanket and stare up at the stars. I locate the little dipper then the big dipper. I close my eyes and dose off to sleep. I'm startled when the first of the fireworks start. I prop my head up with my arms and watch as the sky fills with color. A sudden thought of wishing Adam were here makes its way into my head. I try to push it out. Then I picture him and Nikki snuggled up somewhere watching the fireworks together. A tear slides down my cheek. I quickly wipe it away and curse at myself.

When the fireworks are over, I help pack up our stuff. "I'm going to walk back," I tell Donna. She gives me a concerned look but climbs in and they leave without me. I am after all a grown adult and Donna can't tell me what to do. I sit back down on the grass and watch as all the people pack up and leave. The fair is still going on so I decide to walk back and hang out for a while. I walk around and frown at all the couples holding hands and kissing. I want to be one of them. I want to be one of them with Adam. Once again, I curse myself. I want to step outside of myself and kick my ass. I don't want to be the person that dwells on someone who is not worth it.

I wish I had worn tennis shoes. I have the urge to run. I need to run all thoughts of Adam out of my head. I hurry to get out of the fair grounds and crash into someone. I hit the ground hard knocking the wind out of me. I struggle to get up. I feel someone helping me up. Once I am standing, I find myself looking up at Mike. "Are you alright Carly," he asks. His face is full of concern. I nod yes. "I'm sorry I didn't even see you coming," he says. I find my voice. "It's my fault. I wasn't watching. I got to go," I tell him running off.