Always Adam

Chapter 48

The three weeks passes by fast. Both Brett and I finish our interning several days before I have to leave. We spent most of the time before I left just hanging out. Justin and I had multiple hook ups since our first. I had to admit I was worried Jenna might be right. While I was doing my best to keep it casual with random hook ups, he was doing things like giving me kisses here and there and trying to hold my hand when we went out. I really cared about Justin and didn't want to see him hurt when I left. The night before I was to leave, Gary and Pam took us all to dinner at a fancy restaurant. We all dressed up. The food was good, and we all had a nice time. I could tell Justin wasn't quite himself.

Later when the four of us were outside by the pool and Gary and Pam in bed, I climbed into Justin's lap. "You alright," I asked him as he buried his face into my chest. He didn't say anything for several minutes. He just held me while his head was crushed to my chest. I kissed the top of his head. "Justin," I sighed. "I'll be fine Carly. I can't deny I'm going to miss you." I pull back and tilt his face up towards mine. "I'll miss you to, but we can still text, call or facetime. We're still going to be friends. I'll help you find your next great love." His lips find mine and he gives me a soft sweet kiss.

We didn't have sex that night. We both thought it best not to. The four of us finally went to bed around two in the morning. My flight left at eleven. I lay in bed trying to find sleep but couldn't. My mind was all over the place. I was sad to be leaving. I had a lot of fun here. Yet, I couldn't wait to get home and see my friends and family. My thoughts turn to Justin. He was a great guy. He'd make some girl really happy one day. Veronica was a fool to let him go. With that thought came thoughts of Adam. He was a great guy. Was I a fool to let him go? I still loved him. One thing having sex with Justin made me realize was that I still loved Adam. I loved Adam in a way no other guy had made me feel.

There were a lot of tears as I said my goodbyes. Brett was taking me back to the airport just as he had picked me up. No Jenna or Justin. No Gary or Pam. He loaded up my suitcase plus the small extra I purchased to bring back all the stuff I bought while there. I gave them all a hug goodbye. Jenna promised to keep in touch. We had already followed each other on every social media venue there was. Justin walked me to the SUV. Everyone else had gone inside. Brett was waiting in the SUV. He took my hands in his and stared down at them for several seconds. Then he pulled me into a hug. We hugged each other tight. "Travel safe and text me when you land. I had the best summer. Thank you, Carly Harris." "I did too. I'll miss you Justin. We'll keep in touch. Friends," I say as we both pull away to look at each other. "Friends." With that I turned and got into the SUV.

The plane ride back gave me plenty to think about. Most of my thoughts were of Adam. It had been over a year since we had been together. In that year I had mourned the end of our relationship. I had dated several people. I had made new friends. I couldn't help but wonder what Adam had done. Had he mourned our relationship. Had he dated. Did he have a girlfriend. Did he have new friends. I had walked away with the friends when the relationship ended. I felt sad thinking about that. They had been his friends long before mine. Yet they chose my side over his. Even Ava didn't agree with what he had done to me. To us and our relationship. It could have been so different if he had just reached out to me after he left.

As promised when I dragged my bags out of baggage claim, Nat was waiting for me in my car. As soon as she saw me, she hopped out nearly knocked me down when she threw herself into my arms. "I can't believe your back. I've missed you so much. It was the longest summer ever," she whined. "Oh please you were too busy having rabbit sex with Marcus to miss me that much," I joked. "I can still have rabbit sex with Marcus and miss you a ton to." She helped me toss my bags in the trunk and we headed home.

On the drive I filled her in on the goodbye hug with Justin. We had talked and texted the entire time I was gone so she knew everything that went on. "So, what did you learn from the experience," she asked. I hesitated and then said, "I still love Adam." She was quiet for some time. "What are you going to do about it," she finally asked. "I'm not sure. It's been over a year since we were together. I don't even know if he's still interested in me. I'm sure he's changed. I know I have. I'm not the same person I was back then. I honestly don't know what I'm going to do. Maybe concentrate on school when it starts and just focus on myself."

I wasn't expecting a welcome home party. Everyone was there. My family and my friends. I couldn't help but feel the absence of Adam though. I mean I know he wouldn't be there, but yet it felt like he should be. My head was a mess. Having sex with Justin was supposed to fix the Adam situation. Not make it more complicated. I push thoughts of Adam out of my head. I hug Ted and Donna. Olivia jumps on my back. Teddy is hanging back just watching everyone. I look around the room and see Ava, Nat, Marcus, Cody, Gabby and Mike.  I'm stunned to see TJ and Janae along with Donnie and Laura.  

I hug everyone and fill them in on my summer. I leave out the part about sex with Justin. I tell them how Brett took me to see the house I grew up in until my parents death. I share some of my work stories. Donna had ordered pizza so moved the party out to the back yard. I learn that Donnie and Laura were still together. TJ and Janae were now just friends. They were both dating other people at the colleges they attended. I was almost certain Donnie would marry Laura. I couldn't help but feel bad for him. He deserved someone who would treat him better. Not boss him around the way Laura did.

I'm sitting on the back porch long after everyone had left. I had a lot on my mind. That a lot was named Adam. As much as I wanted to be over him I wasn't. I had to face the fact that I was still hung up on Adam. I might always be hung up on Adam. The question was what was I going to do about it. I could ignore my feelings and just keep plugging along. I could keep trying to date other guys or I could woman up and call him. Ask him to lunch or dinner. I keep rolling ideas around in my head. What would I say to him? I still love you can we try again. Did he still love me? What if he had finally moved on. I close my eyes. I was more confused than ever.

"Penny for your thoughts," Mike says as he takes the chair next to me. "Trust me you do not want to know what's going on in my head right now," I tell him. "Carly let me help. Tell me what's wrong." I open my eyes and look at him. "I'm still in love Adam," I say. "I just don't know what to do about it. I'm afraid he might be over me. I'm afraid I still can't trust him. There's so much baggage. How do we even move on from all of this if we did try again." Mike is silent. "If you both love each other you'll figure it Carly," he finally says. You haven't been able to get over him and move on after all this time. I'm guessing he probably hasn't either. Your both just torturing yourselves. Figure it out and be happy Carly. Life is hard enough. Don't make it harder." We both go silent. I reach over and take his hand in mine. I'm glad your in my life Mike. I do love you," I say. He takes my hand and kisses the back of it. "I love you to."     

I lay in bed later that night thinking about what Mike said. I know what needs to happen, but I don't know how to go about it. How do I make that call. What would I say. Do I apologize? Should he apologize? How do we work past all of that. Even if I knew the answers, I'm afraid to do anything. I'm afraid of rejection or it just not working out. We're not the same people. What if we don't like each other anymore. So many what's. I finally fall asleep after two in the morning from exhaustion.