Always Adam

Chapter 34

I spend the next couple days sleeping and moping around the house. I haven't heard from Adam since he left. It's torture. I spend most of my time locked in my bedroom. I've gone through all the alcohol we had in the house to help numb my pain. Ava tries to help, but I just won't let her in. I won't let anyone in. I'm drowning in my pain. I miss Adam so much. He hasn't called me and it's tearing me apart. My insecurities and fear are eating me up inside. I think about the two of them reunited. I need the alcohol to push me into a deep sleep. Otherwise, I can't stop dreaming about the two of them together.

Ava says she hasn't heard from Adam either. The continued silence is slowly killing me. I pass out after taking several sleeping pills I found in the medicine cabinet. Someone is trying to shake me awake. "Go away," I moan. I don't want to wake up. I want to stay in the black emptiness. There I can't feel the pain. "Open your eyes Carly," I hear someone saying. It's not Ava. It's not Adam. "Leave me alone," I say as someone pries open my eyes. "Damn it. Stop," I yell knocking away the hands that are annoying me. "Open your eyes now or I am calling 911," the voice says, clearly pissed. I open my eyes and see Donna. At least I think it's Donna. "They're open now go away," I yell.

I feel cold water pouring over my head. I jump up. "What the hell," I say as the water drips down my face. Ted is holding the now empty pitcher. I look around and see Ava packing my clothes. "What the hell," I say trying to stand only to fall back on the bed. I got a fucking hangover. Shit. The pounding in my head is so intense I want to cut it off. Donna helps me off the bed and into the shower. Clothes and all. I have been wearing them for days so perhaps the clothes needed it.

I sink down into the tub and the water runs over me. I start to cry. I want to die. "Stop this right now," Donna says kneeling down to my level. "Peel off those clothes and get washed." I stare up at her not understanding what she is saying. It's like her mouth is moving, but I'm not understanding. "Carly," she yells. I try to focus. "Clothes off. Wash," she yells in my face. I nod and wobble as I stand. I peel off my clothes and let the water run over me.

Donna hands me the shampoo. I soap up my hair and rinse. She hands me conditioner. I put it in and rub. Next comes the soap. After she hands me the soap she leaves. I wash myself and rinse out the conditioner. I climb out and grab a towel. Once I got myself wrapped up, I make my way back to my room. Donna is sitting on the bed waiting for me. She has a pair of shorts and t-shirt waiting for me along with a bra and underwear. I get dressed and sit down on the bed next to her. My hair is dripping down the back of my shirt.

She leaves and comes back with my brush. She wraps a towel around my shoulders and begins to brush my hair. It's such a sweet gesture. I sit and cry. I want my mother for the first time in forever. I need my mom. I cry because Donna isn't my mom. I cry because it's all I can do. My shoulders shake as Donna continues to gently brush my hair. I feel her arms come around me and I lean back into her as I cry. She holds me until I finally stop. I want to sleep again. "I want to go back to sleep," I tell her. She continues to hold me.

I sit in the back seat of Donna's car while she drives me to their house. Ted is in my car following. I'm surprised to find Teddy and Olivia aren't there when we arrive. When I ask Donna about them, she tells me they are at friends for the night. I'm thankful. Ted carries my things up to my room and I follow. I crawl into my old bed and immediately fall asleep. When I wake I can tell it's evening. My stomach growls. I can't remember the last time I ate something. I can smell something good and decide to crawl out of bed and head downstairs.

Donna is in the kitchen mixing something on the stove. She smiles when she sees me. I slide onto one of the chairs at the breakfast nook. She doesn't say anything to me, and I am grateful. I don't need a lecture right now. I just need to be. I sit and watch her cook. I think about how wonderful she has been to me. I suddenly question my entire life here at Donna and Ted's. It could have been different if I had been different. I started out hating them. For no reason other than they weren't my mom and dad. They had their own kids. I was a brat. I was the one that didn't like them. I hated them because they were alive, and my parents were dead. I was ashamed of how I closed them out of my life. I realize now it was always me.