Always Adam

Chapter 29

Things are wonderful between Adam and me until the week of Nikki's disappearance. Her family was planning a one year anniversary to remember her and bring more attention to her disappearance. They asked Adam to help. It's the first time our relationship is tested. Adam spends little time with me during the week outside of school. When I ask to help he turns me down. "I don't want to rub my relationship with you in their face Carly. They lost Nikki. They can't go out and get another daughter." I frown. "I know that Adam. I want to be there for you. To support you. They can't expect you to never move on." He looks at me clearly annoyed. "I didn't say they don't expect me to move on. I said I don't want to rub it in their faces. They're like surrogate parents to me Carly."

We are standing outside of school by his car. It's Friday. Nikki's parents remembrance is tomorrow. "I get it Adam. I won't bother to come." I get in his car and he drives me home. "I don't want to fight Carly. This is hard for them. It's hard for me. I'll just see you Sunday," he says leaning over to kiss me before I get out and go inside. He's having dinner with Nikki's parents tonight. I go inside and pack a small overnight bag. I make a call before leaving. "Is it alright if I come home for the night," I ask Donna. "Of course Carly. We were going to dinner and a movie. Are you on your way now," she asks. "I just left." "We'll wait for you."

I'm sitting at the table at the kid's favorite place to eat. It's crowded and noisy. Just what I needed to get my mind off of Adam. I finish the last of my burger and Olivia drags me off to play some games. I find it's a good way to let off some steam. I understand what Adam is doing and why. I'm not really mad at him. I'm just jealous. I hate to admit it, but I am. I'm also worried about Adam. I know how hard he worked to put Nikki in the past and move on. This is like taking a lot of steps backwards. I think back to how hard it was for Adam to get past things and move on with me. What if this changes things.

Screaming from Olivia brings my attention back to the present. She hit the jackpot and tickets are spitting out all over the floor. "Carly look," she cries out excitedly. "Good job Olivia," I say giving her a high five. We turn in her tickets and I watch patiently as she picks her prizes. When she finishes, we head back to the table. Ted, Donna and Teddy are waiting for us. We walk across the parking lot to the movie theater. I sit and watch the movie trying not to dwell on tomorrow. Back at Ted and Donna's I lay with Olivia until she falls asleep. Then I head to my room. I check my phone, but there is nothing from Adam.

I spend Saturday playing with Olivia and helping Donna plant flowers in the yard. I stay for dinner and then head home. I want to be home in case Adam decides to come by later tonight. My phone never makes a sound and I sit watching the ten o'clock news. "Coming up next, the disappearance of a local girl one year ago today. We will talk to her friends and family to see how they are coping," the newsman says right before it cuts to a commercial. I am now glued to the television. My nerves are a mess. I don't know why. It's not like Nikki is going to pop up and say I'm back guys.

The news is back on. I watch as the man tells Nikki's story. How she disappeared without a trace one year ago today. Everyone is holding candles. I can see Chinese lanterns being let go into the night sky. I look to see who I know in the background as he talks. I watch as the man interviews what the screen says is Nikki's parents. Her mom is crying. She's talking about how hard it is not knowing if she is alive and being hurt or dead. How she still can't sleep at night. Her dad doesn't say much. My heart nearly stops when Adam comes into view. I listen as he tells everyone who Adam is. How Nikki and Adam grew up together and fell in love. "How are you doing Adam," he asks. "It's hard. Every day is a struggle. I still have guilt for leaving her at the party. A piece of my heart is missing. It always will be until we find Nikki." I watch as Adams wipes away tears.

I don't hear anything else after that. I don't know what I was expecting him to say. I sit staring at the television for some time before I turn it off and make my way to bed. I think about what Adam said. I understand it. I really do. It still bothers me though. I can't help but wonder if I am a consolation prize for Adam. I know it's silly to think that, but I can't help it. I feel like second best. If Nikki hadn't disappeared there would be no Adam and Carly. He loves her. He would have never even looked at me. It's devastating to me. I know I am being silly, but I can't help myself. I cry myself to sleep.

I don't hear from Adam at all Sunday. No phone call. No text. No visit. Nothing. I stop myself from calling him. Obviously he needs space. I decide to give it to him. I stay home and watch an entire day of lifetime movies. I don't even shower or change. When night rolls around my stomach is in knots. I can't help but feel something is wrong. Adam has changed his mind about me. About us. I crawl into bed around midnight and once again cry myself to sleep.

When Adam doesn't show up to pick me up. I dig out my keys and drive myself to school. Adams seems to be a no show. I find Ava. "Where's Adam," I ask her. "He's sick. Didn't he call you," she asks not looking at me. I know she's lying. I won't put her in the middle of this. I love her too much to do that to her or to us. She hurries off saying something about needing to find Nat before class. I turn and slowly make my way down the hall. I feel an arm slide around me. I know it's not Adam. I always knew when Adam was near. I could just sense it.

"Hey gorgeous. Where's your ugly half," Carlos asked as he escorts me to class. I couldn't help but notice some of the looks we were getting. "He's sick," I sighed. "Guess I can be your stand in for the day then," He grins down at me. "I think that sounds like a nice plan," I tell my friend. Carlos plays the attentive friend all day. He walks me to my classes and does his best to take my mind off Adam. I know he knows more than he is letting on. Adam doesn't call or show up for school Tuesday or Wednesday. Each day Carlos plays fill in for him. Doing his best to cheer me up. In class we use the last ten minutes of class to work on our project. Carlos doesn't mention Adam.

"Our project is due next week. I think we have most of it finished, but we may need to work on it outside of school," Carlos says. I look at everything we managed to do. He's right. We have most of it done, but there are some things we need to finish that we won't be able to at school. "We can work on it at my place," I tell him. He shakes his head no. "How about my house. You can come over Saturday and we can work on it all day to finish it. If you don't have plans that is." I think about Adam and shake my head no. "I don't have any plans." I tell Carlos.