Firewall {One Direction a.u.}

Chapter 31

"Hey, can I talk to you?" I ask Charlie as I sit next to him on the couch.

It's the first Saturday in December, Thanksgiving happened a week and a few days ago. That was one thing I really did miss from being in America. It was nice to see my whole family for the day and catch up with everyone. They were surprised, but happy, to see me.

Since Stephen is at a friend's house and my other brothers are out, I thought it was a good time to talk to Charlie about Harry. He is the best choice to go to because he is in a long term relationship and I know he won't tell anyone. Harry has been at the forefront of my mind since Thanksgiving.

We do that super cliché thing of saying what we're thankful for and my first thought was him. Even though it has now been over a month since I left, I was still thankful for him. Since that, I haven't stopped thinking about him. I have almost called or texted him so many times but never did.

He sits up a little bit and reaches for the remote to turn off the TV. "Sure, what's up?"

"I'll cut right to the chase because I know that I want to stall, but I won't-"

"You're stalling." He interrupts me.

I take a deep breath. "There was this guy in England that I was seeing."

"Your boss, right?"

"Yeah exactly. We had an interesting start but as I was about to leave I realized I actually had feelings for him. Wait, how did you know it was Harry?!"

He rolls his eyes. "You're kidding right? When you talked about your boss you called him Harry. You are the most respectful person I have met and would never call someone by their first name unless you were close to them. Even then it's a gray area. Anyway, you talked about him a lot and when you did your face and eyes would light up. That was the first time in the past few years that I saw you that happy, genuinely happy."

I feel myself get choked up. My eyes start getting cloudy and I feel a lump in my throat. "But I messed it up by leaving." A tear begins to roll down my cheek. "I left and didn't tell him. That makes me such an awful person. I don't deserve to miss him, but I do and I can't stand the thought of calling him after a month and trying to explain myself." The sentence wavers at the end from me letting out a quiet sob.

Charlie moves on the couch so he can wrap me in his arms. He gives me a light kiss to my temple, trying to calm me down.

"I didn't deserve to be as happy as I was. I left my son, I didn't fight hard enough for him."

"Never say that. You didn't abandon him; you were court ordered to leave him alone. That is not your fault and never will be."

"That's just the beginning of the reasons I didn't deserve to be happy." I sniffled and wiped my eyes.

He places another kiss on my head. "No it's not. There are no reasons that you should be unhappy and I won't believe anything else. If anything, you deserve to be happy. You went through so much shit in your life, you deserve a break and that was Harry. I know it sucks that you feel like you made the wrong choice, but maybe it was the right one. Maybe you just need to move on from him and your life in England."

We both sat in silence, tears still rolling down my cheeks but my sobbing stopped. I was thinking hard about what he said. Maybe it is time to move on. It was a month ago and Harry hadn't reached out either. He knew I was gone, Brian said he told him and I sent him that email the first day I was gone to basically tell him.

"Tonight, we go out." Charlie announced and hugged me a little tighter. "We let dad take Stephen and you, Eli, Thomas and I go out. As people say, the best way to get over someone is to get under someone."