Firewall {One Direction a.u.}

Chapter 37

After taking a few moments to myself, I walk back into the living room finding Harry in his pajamas as well. He holds out a mug to me. "Hot chocolate, if you want."

I take it with a smile, giving him a small thank you. We sit in silence for a while, just sipping our hot drinks.

"I had Stephen a month before I turned eighteen." I decide to start before he asks, knowing he's nervous to ask. "His father, Eric, is three years older than I am. We were dating at the time, kind of seriously, for me being sixteen and seventeen that is." I let out a small chuckle. "My mom found out she had cancer in August and then found out it was terminal in October. That's when we started having sex. I guess it was a rebellious thing, to cope with my mom's news. Instead I should have been spending time with her, but every time I looked at her I had a breakdown."

My hands put down the mug and I curl into a ball on the couch. I take a brief moment to collect myself before continuing. "Around November he convinced me to not use condoms anymore. Promised me nothing would happen." This time my chuckle holds bitterness. "A month later, I was pregnant and I didn't know. In January, my mom passed. I thought I was sick with grief after that, throwing up every day, gaining weight. Eventually, it got to a point where my friend, Eli was concerned for me and made me go to the doctor. They told me I was pregnant and that was it, my life for the next six or seven months was hell.

"At that point, I wanted to get rid of it. I knew neither Eric nor I were fit to take care of a baby and I had just lost the only person who I thought would support me. My family members aren't awful people, but one thing they never wanted to accept was that their only daughter and sister messed up the rest of her life, their words."

Taking another deep breath and releasing slowly, I look at Harry for reassurance that he wants me to keep going. He nods and reaches his hand out to grab mine for encouragement. "Once Eric's parents found out that I asked him to come with me to get an abortion, they lost their minds and immediately brought in lawyers. They argued and argued that I was not a fit mother for the child. During this time, I was locked in my room, refusing to come out or eat. I was upset about my mom and the fact that if I did leave my room, I got awful glares from my family members." Harry gave my hand another gentle squeeze, hearing my voice getting shaky.

"Eventually, Margaret, a family friend, sat me down and spoke to me about how my habits were unhealthy for not only me, but my baby as well. After that, he was the only thing that got me through those months. No matter what was going on, whether it be rude looks from people or awful days in court fighting for custody of my unborn child, he was there with me. That's when I got into computers. Since I was stuck inside, I started finding things to do on my laptop. When all I did every day was code, I got used to it and wanted to do it for the rest of my life. It was a security blanket for me, Stephen was a security blanket for me."

Before I go into the next part of this, I ask Harry for a glass of water. I haven't fully explained all of this to anyone. Ever. Harry is the first and I'm only doing this because I hope in the future, we can be together with no secrets. He comes back with the glass of water and I wipe my eyes that have become damp. "Towards the end of eight months, we were in court every day, battling it out. That whole last month was the worst month of my life. I found out that as soon as I gave birth, my baby would be taken away from me. I wouldn't get to hold my child or even know the gender." My voice finally breaks and I let out a small sob. Immediately, Harry grabs me and pulls me into his chest. For a few minutes, I give into his embrace and let out a few more cries before composing myself again. I go to sit up to look at me, but Harry tightens his arms around me, telling me it's okay to stay like this if I wanted to which, of course, I did.