In The Mind of a Zulu Wife

Chapter 19

I am now 34 weeks along and I am expected to give birth any moment from now, we are from the doctors appointment. He is acting funny, he is weird today I expected him to be happy , not this weird. "Why are you so grumpy. Since we came back from the doctor you have been off. What's up? " I ask him, he looks away. He now stops eating. He takes his beer and sips a bit looks at me then back at the drink. "I am okay, don't worry about me I am just so happy that we have made it so far." He says. There it is again, I feel like ever since he found out about the pregnancy he has been expecting something to go wrong. He even started working from home, because he wanted to be with me if anything happened. I don't mind that but I feel there is more to how he is behaving. So I need him talk to me now. I walk to him and I take his hand, I keep quiet I am not going to have sex with him that's been hard to do the past few months. 

So I am opting for other ways to please him. We walk to our bedroom and I go to the bathroom and I open water in our bathtub and wait till they are the right temperature. I am more into the hot water and he doesn't like when his water is hot. he prefers it to be lukewarm. I take off his clothes, While kissing him, he kisses back I take off my clothes. "You know I wont, f**k you right, not until you give birth." He says. I shush him and I take his hand and we get in the bathtub, thank God our bathtub is big enough to fit at least 3 people, his back is turned from me, I start massaging him without saying a thing, and he has knots in his neck he is stressed. I whisper to him to let it go, I let him know its okay, it wasn't his fault, he tenses up more and I hear him sobbing now, "I just cant move on, I lost my babies because, I always stressed out their mother, I never gave her the time of day, I resented her for falling pregnant, I wanted her to lose the babies because I wasn't ready. I hated her okay, and she was always stressed which was the cause for her to lose the kids." He says with tears still running in his face.

"I wasn't even there when it happened, I was busy f**king another woman while she was going through a tough time. I was 17 I was young and stupid. Seeing you like this just brings back a lot, of memories of that time, they were going to be twin boys. She lost them when she was like 7 months pregnant." He sobs. I keep quiet I honestly don't know how to respond, I just hold him. "They would have been 8years old this year, when I heard the news I knew it was my fault,  I was the one who wished them nothing but death." He says that explains why he has been so supportive he didn't want to repeat the same mistake.

"You know Thandeka was devastated, she didn't talk to me for months, she hated me, she blamed me, and she was right. I was to be blamed. She was also young only 16 but she loved them even before they were born." He says shocking me now. Wow so they have a serious history, that's why she still doesn't leave his life, they had kids together. This doesn't make things easier now, because he cheated with her and they share so much together, but this isn't about me.  I keep quiet I help him out the tub I drain the water I find him already in bed. "I love you, I hope you know that." I say. He doesn't say a thing instead he holds me, says nothing.

When I wake up it smells great like someone cooked breakfast I see him coming in with food, ah breakfast in bed. How classic. "Morning beautiful." He greets me and kisses me after placing the food on the light stand great my favorite is there peanut butter sandwich which must always be there no matter how fancy the breakfast is. He looks at me and smiles, I bite the peanut butter sandwich and that tastes like heaven I feel like I need to pee as I stand to walk to the bathroom I feel my pants are wet, oh god I peed myself this is so embarrassing, I feel sharp pains in my abdominal, I scream "I think I am in labor he panics he doesn't know what to do but we went through how to go about this, for a at least a thousand times. I don't know when we got to the hospital because I was screaming all the way and crying, cursing him for doing this to me.

The labor took at least 9 hours. I am holding my baby boy and he looks like his father there is not even a single thing that I can claim is mine here. Siya is looking at the both of us with a huge smile on his face, he takes a picture of us then joins us for the picture he asked my mother to take a picture of us. I don't think I have seen him this happy, which also make me happy to see him happy does something to. My mother will be with us till I am able to do things on my own, she will be helping till I get used to my new normal. This a cultural norm, she will be here for at least 3 months, when the baby is strong enough. I am so grateful for that. The family is not allowed to be here with us, because the child is not strong enough and especially the male members are not at all allowed except for the baby's father. So the rest of the family will be allowed to be with us in 3 months time to see the child bearing gifts.