In The Mind of a Zulu Wife

Chapter 25

"KNOCK! KNOCK!KNOCK!"

The loud knock on the door wakes me and I am honestly tired for this I am still recovering from the beating I received last week. My body is not healing fast enough I am always in bed sleeping, I am drowsy half the time. Who would knock at this time of the day its 3 am for God sake. I get my ass of bed and drag myself till I get to the door. I wish I had those peeping things so I can see who it is. "Who is it?" I ask behind the door. "Its me open up I am freezing, please." I haven't heard this voice in a week. This voice used to sooth me and whenever I heard this voice I knew everything was going to fine, I knew I would be safe but now I am afraid of it, it just made me nervous. "What do you want?" I ask, my voice trembling you can hear the fear in my voice.

"I am freezing please let me in, I wont do anything MaZondi, I am sorry for... I am sorry please let me in." He begs. I am not used to him begging he hates begging for anything. I slowly open the door and our eyes meet, I look away quick. He has bruises in his face, and whoever did that to him, f**ked him up. Serves him right. He looks exhausted, he looks at my bruised face, he looks down he is ashamed, he avoids looking at me, he passes me and walks in he smells like he has been drinking. The cold air hits my skin and that makes me shiver a bit, I lock the door and I want to go back to bed but now I don't think I will get any sleep. I walk to my babies room they are sleeping. I hear the shower water running in the master bedroom I get some sheets in the master bedroom I will sleep in the guest room because I know I am not sleeping on the same bed with him. I take the sheets and fix the room and it is comfortable enough for me now. Ag I forgot my phone in the other room. I walk in and he is but naked like he preparing to get dressed, I cant help myself but admire his beautiful body, he is perfect his body is bruised badly there are dark spots all over his body, like blood cloths. He looks my way I guess he realized there is someone in the room, he smiles at me, I smile back blushing, I feel my lady parts are flooding that's not good, WTF is wrong with me? I cant help myself. I look away. "I just came to get my phone don't mind me." I say and I rush to get my phone and its close to him, Oh my God why?

"Where are you going?" He asks concerned. "I am going to sleep in the guest room, you can sleep here." I say. "Oh that's not happening I will sleep there you sleep here, my dad would kill me for real this time, if I let you sleep outside our room." He says. He takes the phone and hands it to me and I take it and just feeling his warm hands just got me worked up again I guess he is also in the moment because he doesn't let it go, he looks at me and I just want to kiss him and I want to feel myself in his arms. He clears his throat and lets go of my phone, what is wrong with me, I am supposed to be angry at him not horny. He gets dressed and leaves without another word. I am failing to fall asleep. Damn you Siya. I turn of the lights and pretend to sleep, that always works cause I eventually fall asleep after 30 minutes that's still not working out, I put my earphones on and play the rain sounds from Spotify and that always worked when I was still a student. Okay this seems to do the trick.

I just felt warm skin next to me that disturbed my sleep, its Siya. Damn it cant let me sleep in peace. He gets real close I turn on the side lamp and look at him and I know this look all too well. He kisses me and I don't stop him cause this feels good. He puts his hand in my lady parts and looks at me for approval I nod and he starts to play with her, and he continues kissing me while his hand pleases me until I came. He removes the night dress I am wearing and his hand moves from my lady parts to my boob, but he was a bit rough when he moved his hand across my tummy and I flinch because of the pain I just felt, and he stops to look at me, I see guilt in his eyes, he sees my bruises, the ones he inflicted on me, he is hesitant to continue. I kiss him and he is hesitant still. "its okay I will be fine I just want you right now, we will talk about this later." I say and I kiss him again he was much more gentle this time. This was the most intimate we have been in almost a year. This was love making, not just sex, this was something I haven't felt in a while. I fell asleep in his arms.

I am woken up by small voices singing, I am assuming these voices are in the kitchen. My mind replays events from this early morning. I smile because I am somehow relieved, my body feels a whole better today I sit up and I am feeling good today. I get of bed and I shower, the water feels great on my skin at the moment. Everything feels good, its going to be a good day. I walk to the kitchen where I smell amazing food being cocked. I see Samkela, and Maqhawe and Siya enjoying their breakfast. "The Xaba tribe forgot about me, eating all this breakfast without me." I say. "No mom we were going to bring it to your room after." Samkela says. Siya smiles at me and he kisses me. I join them and the breakfast was amazing. "I am taking them to Nomkhosi, so you and I can have the whole day together." He says, and gets up and leaves.

An hour later.

He came back as promised, he sits next to me and he looks guilty. "Look I have to get going, Nandi is worried about me and its not good to stress out a pregnant woman who is due soon, we will talk some other time okay? I love you." He says as he kisses my forehead. I am stupid, I keep falling for him and forgiving him, when will I learn that this man doesn't love me. He stopped loving me a long time ago. Why do I keep letting him do this to me. There is a reason why I decided to stop this, a week ago I was convinced I wanted nothing to do with him. I was convinced I am leaving him. I really am stupid and he sees this also, that is why its easy for him to do this to me in the name of love. Him beating me should have been a clear sign that he doesn't love me anymore. I should really accept that things between us will never be the same again. I love him yes but is it enough for me to be treated like a fool? I don't think so. This was the last time I let him do anything to stomp on my heart.

A month later.

I finally left him, I finally left, I am now a free woman. I can easily focus on my career and my kids. I don't see myself dating or being in any relationship again. I moved from KZN to Gauteng and it has not been easy, starting life again without the person who I imagined spending the rest of my life with. I am getting used to being by myself or with the kids. Since that day I have decided to avoid him and his brother is the one taking the kids on weekends to see him in KZN, without making any contact with Siya. He is getting married in a few weeks and I wont lie and say it doesn't hurt, because its painful, the man I loved with everything in me is really getting married to another woman. One thing I will respect him for throughout the whole thing is his love for his kids.

In love you just sometimes just have to love someone from a distance, because once you get close to them you will always be the one with bruises with each and every decision they make you will find yourself licking your own wounds, because they will never choose you no matter what you do just let them be.

                                                                                                    THE END

BOOK TWO IS OUT.

IT'S A CONTINUATION OF THIS BOOK

THIS BOOK STILL NEEDS EDITING.

BOOK TWO - In the mind of a Zulu wife book 2