In The Mind of a Zulu Wife

Chapter 23

6 months later

My baby has grown and he is so cute he looks more like his father everyday, there is nothing in him that says he is my son its like nothing I contributed nothing to this boy like his brother and they look the same its such a shame that he grew to look like his dad that was disappointing. I am so glad that he finally went to sleep. Its 2 am and my so called husband is sleeping and he is not even bothered. His excuse is he is tired from work and all he wants is to sleep and let his mind relax. He has been working hard in the past months, apparently there is a huge he is working with and he wants to bag the contract which is why he has been working a lot even at night. I know that might not be true because I saw him with that other woman, but I will just pretend not to have seen anything.

 I am so proud of him and he has achieved so far, but I would appreciate it if he would help me out with the kids, I went back to work a month ago and it has not been easy I am surviving on 3 hours sleep everyday 4/5 on a good day. I don't think I want another kid at least not now. I need to go the bathroom, I turn on the light and I see my self in the mirror, so much has changed my body is not what it used to be, well it was never great anyway but now its just not the same I have 2 kids so yeah I don't expect to be in good shape, I signed up for the gym 5 months back and I have been there 2 times and I am still paying, but thing is I didn't gain any weight I just lost the weight naturally its ideal or anything but its something. My body is covered in stretch marks of rapid weight loss and rapid weight gain, and its just disgusting, I have tried various products to make the marks go away.

I touch my stomach and there is loose skin there and more stretch marks, I need to go to the gym to keep my body toned or build muscles. Since the birth of Maqhawe my husband and I haven't been intimate, each time we tried its either its awkward because I want to do it with my upper body clothed and lights off, we would end up urging about that, if not the kids are in our way the baby cries, or Samkela had a nightmare or something , and its not been just I sometimes tried to initiate it but he would say he is tired from work and my husband is never tired for sex but recently a lot of that has changed, he probably is disgusted by me. Last week was our 5th anniversary and we didn't do it, I mean show me anyone not having sex on their anniversary. Especially a big anniversary such as the 5th one.

I get back in bed and he is sleeping, great at least I get to think. Okay since I have decided on rejoining the gym I should find space to include it there. So how do I juggle house needs, with work, the kids, my husband and some me time? So I guess gym is me time. I think I need to get a helper or something, I once brought up this subject and ended up having a big argument because he doesn't want his kids being brought up by someone else, someone else touching his clothes and all that BS because that's not how he was bought up and something to do with traditions I let it go then but now I am not backing down, in the morning I need to bring this up.

Morning

The alarm goes off its 5 am, reminding me to wake up I need to make breakfast, bath the kids, and other chores in between. I touch the left side of the bed and its empty, I guess he has another early morning. I honestly miss my husband, I miss sharing my lame jokes with him, seeing his smile, his touch, his jokes and us joking around. I go shower and I am done in 30 minutes make the bed and pick any clothes and miscellaneous items. I get to the kids room and they are both sleeping great. I don't have the energy to prepare a huge breakfast so oats and a fruit will do, since the person I like cooking for is not here anyway. I am done with everything by 7 am. Now its time to navigate the traffic Siyasamkela is complaining about his kindergarten teacher. I take them to a kindergarten close to where I work. I need to talk to Siya and he is not answering phone, so I will have to go to his office during lunch because at home we wont really talk. Now that I think about it ,its really sad how did we get here? I drop them off and I get to work and it looks like there is nothing much to do here. I call my brother to ask about how are thing with the parents, my siblings and I are planning to renovate my parents home, it's a really great idea it would be nice to have my own room to get to not share with my sister whenever we are home. Speaking of my siblings I really need to catch up with them.