In The Mind of a Zulu Wife

Chapter 22

I am due in a week with my second child and I am excited, besides hating how I look my husband has been patient with me, I have been difficult with this pregnancy the hormones are not balancing, its either I cry a lot or I am very mean without a consideration of how others may feel, even Siya has been a victim of mine, but he hasn't given up on me at times I become really brutal and I regret it in the morning. If I am not emotional, I am always tired, forever hungry, my feet are swollen, and I have to go under the scissor because the baby is distressed or stressed or something so he wont be able to come to the birth canal like normal babies. I am so happy to get him out because I am tired of carrying this baby.

I don't think I have mentioned that I finally completed my articles and I am now a qualified charted accounted, I am proud of myself that I completed even though it was not record time as I had hoped but I did it, with the support of my family and husband. Before I left work I was the junior finance manager of some logistics company, it's a small company but I enjoy working there, the hours are flexible for me and it allows me to have time with my family. So I am not complaining, even though I still have a dream to work as a lecturer I enjoy having to teach someone something new. My husband is the best he has been supportive throughout everything and I honestly didn't expect that he would be this supportive. I cant believe we have been married for 4 years now, and our son Siyasamkela is 3 years turning 4 in a month. He is healthy and very smart much like his uncle Mthobisi he is very soft and likes his own peace he doesn't even bother me he is an old soul that one, his father hates that his son took the traits of his brother he considers 'soft'. Well I like it, and I think he is cute for that.

Siya has been treating me like some glass that can break any moment from now, he doesn't even allow me to do anything, he just wants to see me lying on the bed doing nothing, I try to get up to do something he is here to do it for me I cant even breath. He is worse than the first pregnancy. "What are you thinking about?" He asks, where the hell does he come from. "I am thinking about how much I cant wait to give birth to this silly baby of yours I am tired, how many days remain?" I say annoyed. "Oh don't worry babe just another week you will be free so will I." He says. "WTF? I am the pregnant one here, I am the only person with the right to complain, you have no right to complain none whatsoever. You are the one that stopped me from taking birth control, you are the one that decided to get me pregnant by not pulling out." I say raising my voice. " whatever man." He says leaving the room. WTF did this guy just brush me off, oh yeah he did, why is he annoyed I am the only person who has that right. I remember him finding out about me being on birth control he was mad.

******FLASHBACK****

A year ago

I had an appointment with my gynae, I was supposed to get my birth control injection so I was absent from work, he didn't know that I was on birth control. He didn't want me to because we had that discussion and he told me that we are not doing it because he wants a big family, and I don't want a big family 3 or four kids are enough but he wants more than that. So I went behind his back. He just showed up unannounced at the doctors office I don't know how he found out where I was. He looked angry for some reason, when he came in the doctors office he was already angry and I am afraid of this side of him he has never done anything to me, but this side is scary. When the doctor was injecting me he looked a bit more scary, like he was going to murder someone, but each time the doctor looked at him he smiled like nothing was wrong. Its scary how he is able to hide his feelings.

The walk to the car was mad quiet. He wasn't saying anything, nothing he was in his thoughts and he ignored me completely, I went to the doctor with my car but he made me leave the car that someone will pick it up. So I wondered where he knew where I was, how did he know? We got to the house and there was silence still silence. He didn't even look at me, I knew he was angry so I kept my mouth shut waiting for his first move. It was still early in the morning, when I left the house I lied about going to work when I wasn't. He looked at me and all I could see was a blank face with no emotions whatsoever. "So you are a liar now?" He asks expecting me to answer and I honestly have no answer to this. " I asked a question didn't I?" he asks still emotionless. I am scared to answer because I don't know what he will do if I fail to answer the way he wants me to. He has never put his hands on me, he has never hurt me physically. So I am hoping this will not be the first time. He moved closer to me and held my chin forcing me to look at him. I can see him now he is angry but calms down a bit once he sees that I am terrified of him. "You have been seeing that doctor for months now, you kept telling me its for your period pains but you lied to me, you lied that you were going to work when in fact you are going to the doctor. You lied to me and made me believe that we are trying for a baby when you weren't even trying I want to be angry right now but I cant I am just disappointed in you." He said sounding disappointed. Him saying he is disappointed in me cuts deeps. "You are the one always preaching to me that we should be honest with each other and here you are lying to me." He said. He was right. The best I can do is apologize.

"Siyabulela I am sorry, I was afraid to tell you." I said with my voice shaking. "You shouldn't be afraid to talk to me. I am your husband and this is our future I know that sometimes I am a hot head and I don't want to listen to anyone besides myself, but please talk to me if something doesn't sit well with you. We should be able to talk about it." He said. Which led to me apologizing and trying to explain myself why I didn't want kids at the time and he was calm about it he understood, but somehow I stopped taking the contraceptives because he wanted another child and I was also ready for another one anyway.

****Current*****

So that's how we ended up being here. He didn't really stop me from being on birth control I did that myself, I am just being dramatic right now.

He came back to the room after an hour or so, he looks happy. He is smiling, why is so happy because I sure didn't. "Why are you so happy about?" I ask. "Nothing, just thinking about this deal we just bagged." He says. I have a feeling that's not it.

A month later

I gave birth to a healthy baby boy 3 weeks ago his name is Maqhawe (meaning warriors), I am glad this one looks like the both of us. He is sleeping at the moment and this is my chance to also sleep, but I cant sleep. I keep thinking about his father and how the heck did I miss it. I just found out that my dear husband has been cheating on me for over a year now. I cant believe that I didn't see the signs, I missed them and now when I think about it they were there. He doesn't know that I know. How did I find out? I went to see the doctor today for a check up to see if I am still fine, and I saw his car at the hospital which was weird because he didn't say anything about the hospital, he was supposed to be in a meeting in Maritzburg which is 2 hours from home and he is parked here. I thought maybe one of his siblings took the car maybe but I was so wrong I saw him with flowers and what looked like breakfast in his hands like he was waiting for someone. I thought maybe he had cancelled his meeting to be here with me I was walking towards him with the baby in my hands. I see this Dr walking to hug him, I honestly was confused but it didn't end there they kissed and he handed her the contents in his hands. I couldn't believe my eyes.

I look at the time and its 10pm right now, and Siya's side of the bed is cold. I look at the baby cot and Maqhawe is sleeping, I then remember that my husband has not been faithful to me. Maybe he is with her. I hear the shower running, oh good he is here I don't know how to deal with this. Should I confront him? That's not a good idea. I wait for him to come out the shower, and he takes longer I need to pee so I will just get in there. I just open the door and he is on the phone, smiling and as soon as he sees me he hangs up and places it in his pocket. "You are awake finally." He smiles at me like he isn't cheating on me. I smile back. "Yeah I took sleeping pills I needed to sleep, I have been tired for the past few days. And you work a lot these days that you don't even spend time with me, or help me with the new born we just had." I say and he looks a bit uncomfortable, aha there it is. 

" I guess I could take a break and come and help you out because I am the boss anyway." He says, and smiles and kisses my forehead. "So how long till we can have sex again?" He asks. "Oh I went to the doctor today, he says I can in a month so I guess you have to wait another month." I say. "That's a long time, but I can do with another month I just miss you." He says and kisses me. "I know you can wait another month, I mean you waited for me for 2 years, so a month is something you can do." I smile at him and kiss him back. "You know I am so lucky and blessed that I have a husband who is faithful in this day and time because a lot of men cheat on their pregnant wives or even when she is still healing they just cheat." I say trying to get his reaction and he looks guilty and uncomfortable. He doesn't say anything he just kisses me. I will not say anything for now, I will continue with life as usual I just don't have the strength to start bring it up for now I just need to focus on my babies and healing.