Remember Me This Way

Chapter Sixteen

"We should talk."

"Shhh, I'm trying to work here."

"But-"

"Shhh!"

"AJ about my-"

"We're not talking about this man."

"Dude, look-"

AJ's hands ran through Nick's scalp as he mixed the pink dye into his hair. Nick glanced up in the mirror, just in time for AJ to shut his eyes in determination as he shook his head slightly. Nick rolled his eyes, tilting his head back over the sink he sat in front of so AJ could do his work. After his revelation on the rollercoaster, the rest of the day was being spent in a world of pointless denial. They tried going on other rides afterwards, but the day had been ruined. The ride home had been quiet and uneventful till AJ declared they still needed to get the dye so he could do Nick's hair when they got back. Anytime Nick tried to explain, he cut him off, every single time.

"Look at what? How much like that idiot Perez you'll look when I'm done?" A forced laugh followed. "I already know."

Before Nick could even attempt to move, AJ forced his head back further, making sure the dye was applied evenly. Nick sighed. "Dammit dude, I-"

"You know man; it'd be easier if you just relaxed while I did this."

"Fine, fuck it; you want to pretend it's not happening. Go ahead. I've already joined that club, won the t-shirt, starred in the commercial, and even designed the damn mascot. In fact, I even went and changed my middle name to denial!"

"So I was thinking about the next album..."

Instead of fighting it, Nick simply nodded. He knew he shouldn't be getting upset at AJ. Not for doing the exact same thing he had attempted to do when he was diagnosed. Still, he felt hurt by his friend's refusal to acknowledge what was happening to him. Nick wasn't sure why. Maybe it was because AJ was able to play denial if he wanted. Or maybe it was because he knew if AJ did do that, it would just be that much less support then. Nick hated even thinking about it, but the fact was that he could use all that he could get.

"Yeah?" he asked, leaving his thoughts where they belonged, in his own traitorous mind.

AJ nodded, rising the excess dye out of his hair. Nick shut his eyes. It helped, really, because then he could pretend far easier that this was just another day on tour. That he hadn't just confessed something vital, that he wasn't slowly fading away. Shutting his eyes, helped him shut out reality, the way AJ wanted it. In all honesty, it was the way he wanted it too. The difference was Nick had hit the point where he knew that wasn't going to happen. At least not till he couldn't remember anything, so that the point was moot.

"Yeah, I'm thinking let's get crazy, really break some boundaries."

Nick chuckled; trying his best to act like nothing was wrong, the way AJ wanted it. "Are there any left for you to break?"

"Man, haven't you learned from me yet? There are always boundaries to tear down, rules to break, and ways to shake everything up."

"Wisdom from the king of mani-pedis."

"Shit, just because I'm rebellious and wise, don't mean I can't look good."

The sink was turned off and AJ set to dry off his hair. He toweled it first, before beginning to blow dry. Nothing was said between them, leading once again to an awkward silence Nick didn't know how to feel. So, Nick laughed to himself at the image of the two of them; it was stuff like this he knew caused others to believe they were all gay.