Remember Me This Way

Chapter Seventeen

Nick was in the studio yet again for another session. This time, they were in England, but he'd heard one of his favorite Swedish producers had been in the area. So of course, he had to give him a call and set something up. Rami Yacoub has been part of many of their hits throughout the years as a group, and even helped Nick with his second solo album. It felt right, going to him for the last album. He sat at the soundboard, a smirk resting upon his otherwise neutral face. Nick looked over at him, and knew he was nailing it.

Money's the only love there is
Fame's the only attention you see
One dollar, two dollars, three dollars, four
Oops I meant kids...
Walking out the door

Yelling, screaming, here we go again
Just another day at the family reunion
Do they hate me?
Do they love me?
I don't think I wanna know anymore

Yelling, screaming, here we go again...
Just another daaaaay...
Just another daaaaay...
At the family reunion
Do they love me?
Do they hate me?
I don't give a damn anymore.

Nick closed his eyes, fighting the emotion that came with this song. He knew this would be the last solo record he'd ever do. If he was going to let it out, he knew it would have to be now. This was the last song he'd penned for the album; all the others he wanted were recorded. It was also one of the most personal songs he'd ever written. It would let the fans into the disaster he tried to keep hidden, especially after his reality show debacle. The last attempt he'd made at fixing his family flashed through his mind. He'd never be able to have a stable family, and it stung more than he would ever admit. It was because of that he was always thankful for the fellas, if not for them, he was sure he'd have lost his sanity by now.

And no matter what he sang, he still cared. It still hurt.

His lips almost touched the mike as the last notes played. "You hear that? I don't give a damn anymore." He almost whispered, before stepping back. Nick was trying to convince himself more than anyone else right then.

"That was fantastic Nick! I've never heard you go that deep."

Nick smiled a bit, walking out of the booth as he pulled off the headphones. "Vocally or lyrically man?"

"A bit of both."

"You got what you need?"

"I'll send you the finished product once I'm done and see what you think. Can't wait till you do this again."

The two embraced as Nick inwardly sighed. It wasn't going to happen again. Still, he said nothing. It had become standard and he was going to be talking enough that day anyway. It was the day he knew he had to tell Howie. Well, technically he knew he didn't have to, but it was one of their rare days off, and he knew he may not get another solid chance at this for awhile. In fact, he'd told Howie to stop by the studio he'd reserved time in, after he was done recording. He wanted to connect with him, and he wanted to come clean.

"You'll be one of the first ones I call. I'll hit ya up later alright?"

"Sounds good!"

It was hard hiding from the world. It tore him apart that he was still hiding it from one of them men he considered his brothers. He waved as he walked down the halls of the building, passing various recording studios as he did. Nick had been talking to management a lot lately, planning the release of the album. There was only one thing that was keeping it from having an actual release date.

A plan.

See, this album was different from his previous two. This one, he wanted to tie into another project. He knew he wanted to leave more behind, to start that organization he'd been wanting to do for years. Ever since his last one fell through actually. And Nick even knew what he wanted to do with the nonprofit. It was just how to do it, that was stumping him. His first one, the one he'd done when he was just a kid, had been set up for him by Kevin. He'd used his own organization to launch Nick's as a subsection. He smiled fondly, thinking of his old ocean campaign, and the way he'd made Kevin so proud of him as he worked on that.