Remember Me This Way

Chapter Twelve

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart...but the very next day you gave it away...

Nick changed the station as he drove his Lexus, which showed none of the damage he'd done six months before. If it was only so easy to erase the damage being done to him, he'd do it in a heartbeat. He bit his lip, unsure of what he was going to do. He didn't have a clue. He felt like he never did these days. Looking around, he decided to pull over. He couldn't drive anyway till he actually made a decision. Nick hit the steering wheel as hard as he could, frustrated with himself, with everything in his life. His ears caught the lyrics of the new song filtering through the speakers.

Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays...

At that, he cut the engine. Hearing a song that he'd always hated, by a group that had made his career ten times more difficult for half of it, wasn't a good sign in his eyes. He hated that NSYNC song with the fire of a thousand suns, to put it mildly. Nick was supposed to be driving to the airport, but he wasn't sure where he was going after that. He'd been back in Los Angeles for two weeks, thinking he'd just ignore Christmas alone. Of course, no one would let that happen. In fact, he'd gotten two offers on how to spend his Christmas.

Going back to the Littrells for Christmas was a tradition that started when he was only nineteen. His own family failed him too many times, so Jackie had started making sure he came home with Brian. So that was the first offer.

The second offer, came from his mother. He'd gotten the call only a week before, and was almost shocked into a heart attack. His mother, Jane Carter, acting human? It wasn't a concept he was used to. At least, not since he was around fifteen years old and he went from son to ATM in her eyes. Still, a small part of him missed having a real mother, despite knowing the fact she would never be one to him again. Maybe there were no ulterior motives. Maybe she was lonely.

Or maybe she needs more money. He shook the thought away. Nick knew he'd have to forgive her, and he didn't have the longest amount of time to do it. He mused on the idea. Christmas with the Carters. It sounded like one of those bad holiday comedies where everything that could, went wrong. Nick decided then it wouldn't be nearly as fun trying to live it.

His phone buzzed, and he ignored it, starting up the car again. Nick didn't care who it was, and wondered if he could just fly off to the Bahamas and hide away till the holidays ended. He knew where he was going to spend Christmas, but he didn't know how he'd be able to reject his mother's offer. Nick knew she'd be upset, and even though she made his life hell for so many years of his life, he felt bad for doing so at Christmas time.

Finally he pulled out his phone, staring out at the late night traffic along the highway. "Hello?"

"Hey little man."

"Hey."

Nick sighed, feeling a bit of relief at it being Kevin. He'd missed him more than he ever had during this last tour. Kevin left the group nine years before, and Nick had adjusted pretty well. There'd be times he wished Kevin was there, but overall he'd been okay. Ever since he'd told Kevin though, it hit him harder than ever not having Kevin there. The whole idea of that was a bit weird; given that part of the reason he figured he told him, was because he wasn't in the group anymore, and therefore wouldn't be around him to be coddling him constantly.

"You're coming down aren't you? Brian told me he invited you."

"Jackie or Brian always invite me."

"You should come, he's worried."

Nick scoffed as he started up the car again; it was a bit too nippy to not have the heat on. "He's been bugging you to tell him hasn't he?"

"You should tell him."