Remember Me This Way

Chapter Thirty Three

The sky was as blue as could be and no clouds could be seen. And that was the day they put Aaron Carter down into the ground. It was a day they should've all been enjoying together as a family. Instead, each of the Carter siblings mourned in their own little world before the service, separate from one another. Birds fluttered around in breeze. The grounds at Forest Lawn Memorial Park were striking, and it was why Nick chose them. And he chose the location in Long Beach, as a tribute to Aaron's former love of the ocean so close to the one he and Angel still had. If he couldn't be buried in the water, he wanted him as close to it as he could manage.

Nick stared at the sleek white tomb stoically.

Ever since the night he'd learned of his brother's overdose, he hadn't shown any emotion. He let out what he could then, so he could be the ones his siblings could lean on. The funeral was about to begin, and Nick had decided to have it outdoors rather than in a church. Nick had actually wanted a cremation, but both Bob and Jane Carter had stopped that from happening. It was the only thing he'd seen them united on in over a decade.

A minister was going to give a sermon of course, but this wasn't Nick's decision either. That one had been his mother, who insisted on having one. It made no sense to him really, since the Carters had never been anything close to religious. Nick was more spiritual than anyone, not that it said much. It had also been because of Brian's influence over the years.

The day was beautiful, and it felt all wrong. Nick needed it to be raining, for the sky to be showing the same emotions he held inside. Maybe if nature expressed them, he'd feel safe to do the same. However, with no clouds to be seen, Nick held little hope. The day mocked them. It was one of those days that invigorated him, made him happy to be alive. At least before everything in his life had been unraveled by forces beyond his control. A day like this had no business being there at his brother's funeral.

He could see his father making his way across the lawn. Behind him was his current wife Ginger. His step sister Taelyn could be seen further back. She was a slender, young, sandy haired, teenaged beauty. She was dragging along his half brother Kanden, who kept getting distracted by everything around him. He was eleven now, blonde and blue eyed as can be. It served as a punch in the gut to Nick, gasping at the resemblance he bore to Aaron and even himself at that age. Nick barely knew Kanden and the idea stung that he never would. It wasn't so much his fault as it had been circumstances. Bob didn't want the old family he left behind in the mix of the new one, Nick being bitter, gave him what he wanted. It was yet another thing he wished he could do over again.

Regret swelled and Nick shoved it back down. Today wasn't the day for that.

He walked up to his father. Bob watched him as he did, his eyes rimmed with red. Ginger smiled weakly at Nick before leading her two children to their seats. For Nick it was just as well, he'd make nice with the more awkward parts of his family later. Nick glanced around, still in a bit of awe of the peaceful serenity of the place. There were rolling hills of green as far as he could see. Simple, elegant tombstones stood within the ground row by row. Aaron was to be buried by a large tree at the top of the hill overlooking the grounds. Nick had paid the costly price without a second thought in hopes it would soothe the burning guilt within.

"Hey dad." Were the only words said aloud.

Bob nodded, running a hand through the remains of his thinning hair. "Nick I..."

Nick shook his head. "I don't wanna hear it. I'm just glad you actually came this time."

It felt wrong to be so petty right then, but he couldn't help himself. It took death to bring Bob Carter back into his life to be a father. There was so much wrong with that and deep down it pissed Nick off to no end. None of it showed however in his facial expressions. What little signs there were came off in the tone of his voice and the words he said. More guilt was added to the mix however when he saw the stricken look upon the face of Bob Carter.