Remember Me This Way

Chapter Twenty One

I should've seen this coming, was his immediate thought.

How he could have, he had no idea. But, he felt he should have all the same. He didn't know what to say, seeing Kevin standing there. He looked as calm as ever given that he was there to presumably lecture Nick in a random Japanese hotel. He stepped back to let Kevin in. Neither said anything yet, the silence was thick in the air between them. Kevin raised a brow as he took in the fragments that still remained in the window frame, and the many that still littered the floor. A glanced at Nick was only met with a nonchalant shrug. So much was said without any words at all.

Nick flopped back on his bed, while Kevin remained standing. He stared up at him, remembering when that used to always be the case. He started to smile, despite the anger that still managed to fuel him. His eyes locked with Kevin's normally stoic green eyes. Now they churned with storm clouds of concern. Nick ignored the stabbing flashes of guilt that appeared, breaking the stare down and shifting his eyes away.

"Do I want to know?"

Nick shrugged, lifting his head up defiantly. "What are you doing here?"

"I told you that I'd be in Japan around the same time you were, I'm performing "Rent" here for the next few nights." Kevin finally sat on the bed, his hand resting on Nick's knee. "So how are you?"

He rolled his eyes. "How do you think?"

Kevin sighed. "I know this can't be easy for you..."

Massive fucking understatement Kev, he added mentally. It was far from easy, even far from difficult. As much as the others tried to understand, Nick knew a truth they did not. They couldn't understand. They couldn't even begin. That simple fact is what frustrated him so much. They would never know, they could never see what it was like for him. All they could do was muster weak attempts that almost mocked what he was trying to cope with. In the end, he didn't know how to tell them that though. So, instead, he lashed out. Instead, he attacked those who wanted to help him.

It was unfair, but so was everything else in his life.

"Nick?"

"I heard you; I just don't have anything to say."

"Come on, talk to me."

"Why? Why bother? I mean I can't see a point. I'll just forget this shit anyways."

"Because it'll help Nick."

"Nothing will help. Nothing will fix this! God, can't you see that! I may as well just kill myself now and save us all the fucking headache of dealing!" He screamed, feeling oddly relieved. It was the first time he actually voiced his suicidal ideations, and he waited for a reaction.

Kevin grabbed his arm, pulling him to sit up beside him. Nick didn't fight it. He just went with it. Kevin always had that effect upon him. Actually, he had that effect on all of them. There was just something about him that got obedience out of all of them. Even if he hadn't been the oldest of the group, Nick felt he still would've been the father figure or "big brother" just the same. It was simply how Kevin was.

And Nick loved that about him.

Normally, there would've been words. Some saying or quote Kevin could randomly pull out of his brain to help fix whatever was wrong. Nick had no idea where Kevin got those sort of things, he usually pictured some filing cabinet in his brain labeled: "Quotes to Pull Out of My Ass" where he kept them, carefully labeled for any occasion. The odd thing was, no matter how corny or annoying they were, they actually did help. But what scared Nick, was that this time, it seemed Kevin had no magic words. No advice was given. For the first time in Nick's life, it seemed he finally found a problem to stump even Kevin.